The Jessica Delfino

(Dirty Folk Rock)

Show

I'm really excited to let you all in on a little surprise -- I've been hired to do not one, but TWO of my very own webcasts for an ambitious start up website from May 9-27. That's right! Three FULL unadulterated weeks of ME, Jessica Delfino. If only ABC knew what they were missing!

More details to come, but for now, just remember -- the FIRST SHOW is on Monday, May 9th at 2:45 PM and features very special guests Glennis McMurray and MY MOM (photographed below, btw.)

That is THE ONLY SHOW at 2:45 PM. EVER.

Starting TUESDAY, May 10, you can catch a LIVE show on-line featuring 1-2 very special guests. I'm doing 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT shows EVERY DAY. I'm CAPITALIZING a lot of stuff in this post because there are so many IMPORTANT DETAILS.

At 10 AM, EVERY MORNING, catch "STRANGE LOVE" -- a show about all types of odd love; where to find it, where to get it, how to keep it. I've got some great guests planned and you don't want to miss one second of it. Wanna be a guest on a show? Got a great story of romance? Email me at jess delfino at yahoo dot com and introduce yourself, and I'll be the judge of how great your story is, and I may even invite you onto the show.

At 1 PM EVERY AFTERNOON, catch "The Jessica Delfino Show" -- this show features myself and special guests dishing on a topic of the day, as well as performances by myself and my guests. MISS IT AND YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS.

Each show is 20 minutes long. Watch it while you make breakfast or do your workout or your bulimia or what have you. Each show features someone or sometwo really great, interesting people. You aren't gonna believe the great guests I have booked. Thanks so much for every moment of your support along the way, and I hope you enjoy my shows.

Want a sneak peak of what's to come? Click here.

Where do you watch this show? Check back here or on my website this weekend or Monday AM for details. It's a big secret! Shhhh! Tell everyone!!! See you on Monday bright and early.

Wednesday - Hump Day announcements

I really dig this chic, Amy Schroeder. She runs Venus Magazine and also has spear-headed the DIY Business Association, which I love, love, love. What a great resource for so many of us working performers and small business owners in NYC.

Quick Business Tip: Always spell "business" correctly. It's a tricky word to spell, but just remember, in business, you gotta take the BUS sometimes. But you never have to ride the BUSS.

The first Brooklyn DIY Business Association Panel will be held on June 26, 2011 and I want you to be there. If you run a small business, if you are a DIY entrepreneur, artist, enthusiast, patron or anything else which you think fits into that category (so much fits in!) please save the date and be part of this landmark event.

You will hear encouraging words of business wisdom from some really amazing people, NOT JUST ME, but ALSO, me.

You can check it out HERE.

In other news, if you're sittin' around with your ding-a-ling in your hand tonight, may I suggest you check out the show I'm in, instead:

SHRINK

Luca Lounge

222 Ave B @ 12 st.

NYC

9 PM

Finally, next week starting on Monday, I'll be presenting 2 video podcasts a day for a new website called GabCast. It's gonna be pretty awesome. More details to come very soon!

THIS SUNDAY, MAY 1st

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

I LOVE YOU!

*I almost posted the one of you dancing in a gypsy bikini!!*

and also:

MARAYA CIGAR on ORCHARD ST. NYC

presents

M A R A Y A Radio Days

*I will be interviewed from about 3 PM - 330 PM*

*Listen in or drop by to say hello!*

WHO: Everyone is invited to the LES if you’re in town and, if not, listen in on your computer

WHEN: Sunday, May 1st Noon - 4pm EST

WHERE: In front of M A R A Y A 87 Orchard Street, btwn Broome & Grand

TRAINS: B D Grand St, F, M, J Essex/Delancey St

HOW: Go to www.centannibroadcasting.com

& click on the Listen Live link.

Shows will be archived so you can listen afterward.

WHAT: M A R A Y A, the Lower East Side's newest cigar shop& NYC's newest brand of cigar is hosting an afternoon of interviews of local LES businesses with unique, artisanal offerings.

Restaurants will bring something from their menu to sample.

M A R A Y A will have specials on cigar & chocolate as well as a place to smoke our cigars.

(Cigars start at about $9 each)

WHY: Because Orchard Street is the coolest,

hottest NYC destination.

It’s not to be missed!

Look What I Did Yesterday:

Window Design at Juniper Galaxy

I was totally honored last week when my friend Sine Hjort emailed me and asked me to come to her super chic brooklyn boutique Juniper Galaxy and design the window for her. It's not something I've ever done before though anyone know knows me knows that I enjoy fashion and definitely know how to have fun with clothes, because I went to art school and so I have that art school background and the kooky confidence to wear (and do) just about whatever I want. Who has a sense of entitlement? I do, I do!

I could put whatever I wanted on the mannequin, who goes by "Kristen" and I have to admit, it was pretty fun. It was like a grown up game of Barbie dolls. I also brought some paper to cut and use and I loaned the window my flying V ukulele, as well. And here's the finished product, drumroll, please:

I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of my work. It took me about 3 hours to dress Kristen and put the window together. I have never dressed a mannequin before so I was pretty mortified the first time her arm fell off in my hand. I drew lips on the mannequin and a temporary tattoo on her breast. I also splatter painted the front of the window in glitter paint, black and green. Kristen's outfit is goth-y and punk but with a touch of cute, like me.

If you happen to find yourself at or near 82 Bond Street btw. Atlantic Ave. and State St., around the Boerum Hill / Fulton Street / Fort Greene area in Brooklyn, be sure to drop by, visit Juniper Galaxy, say hi to Sine and see the window. This place is a great secret -- Sine is where I get some of my really best, finest clothes and accessories.

For example, check out these awesome headphones I scored at Juniper Galaxy, by Spitfire!

They are only $35 and are so cool. Mine are in white.

The prices are also really affordable. Sine is the coolest - a gorgeous renaissance woman and independent business owner, and she's done it all. She was in a touring band that traveled the world and has all kinds of amazing and hilarious stories. She's a really neat person and I'm very honored to have been a part of this project which incorporates artists and performers designing her store window.

Store Info:

Juniper Galaxy

Sine Hjort, owner

82 Bond St. (btw Atlantic Ave. and State St.)

Brooklyn, NY (Boerum Hill)

A/C/G to Hoyt-Schermerhorn, 2/3/4/5 to Nevins St.

718-643-6867

open Tue - Sun 12-7

sine@junipergalaxy.com

www.junipergalaxy.com

TOM & SABRINA DIVORCE

Last year, I played a featured role in this film where I was required to wear pin up lingerie. It's not a porn, though, it's a thoughtful 40 minute film about a relationship, directed by Silvana Jakich. It is now screening at the very exclusive and lovely Norwood Club in NYC this Wednesday, April 27. Screenings at 7 PM and 8 PM. RSVP for free tickets to jess delfino at yahoo dot com. Limited seating available.

Get ready for a weekend of

Free Clothes, Ass Kicking Ladies & Ukuleles

and BONUS: An Easter Memory

Unless you're not into any of those awesome things, which is fine, I guess, in it's own way. This Friday, April 22, come catch Ladies Who Punch in the East Village, with your host Katrin Hier, who does terrific characters and is just simply put, very funny. 7 PM, $5, more info is located to the right bar ------->

This Saturday, April 23, which also happens to be Earth Day, is going to be the longest day of my life. Come on over to NYU's Kimmel Center to bring a bag of clothes and get some gently used threads to call your own. The event goes from 2-6 PM. Spring cleaning, donating, recycling, shopping, call it what you will, I call it FREE CLOTHES. I am emceeing and helping to coordinate the event as I do every year, and it is always very awesome. More info located to the right bar ------>

Also on Saturday, starting at 7 PM, one of the last dive bars in the East Village hosts Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, a Gorgeous Ladies of Bloodwrestling (G.L.O.B.) event: Live lady warriors wrestle in fake blood to punk rock. Our Lady of Perpetual P.M.S. has been producing these wrestling events for several years now and she won't be a young ass kickin vixen forever so get your booty out there to see (fake) lady blood and guts on the floor, as these babes drop kick it out. As ridiculous as regular wrestling, but much funnier and hotter. Half-time entertainment burlesque by Miss Poppy Seed and ribald anthems by ME. Free admission, more details located to the right bar --------> (and flyer located below)

FINALLY, my night will come to a blessed end with a quick stop into NYC Ukulele Salon @ Googie's Lounge, upstairs at The Living Room. The show starts at 8 PM and features no less than and no more than 4 ukulele performers. I will be going on stage at 10 PM with a half hour set of ukulele only songs. Admission is free. Please come and bring me some water and a protein bar. More details located to the right bar ------->

If you are a friend who hasn't seen me in awhile, I just gave you four awesome opportunities to to see me this weekend while also finding underground entertainment for free or something like it, right here in the capital of adventure, NYC.

TTFN...and Happy Easter, if Jesus rising from the dead is your thing. Here is the bonus I promised, for those of you who read this entry in it's entirety (thank you): I admit, I do celebrate Easter just like every other Christian holiday, with friends, family and food, and lots of it. I learned it from watching my people, colorful Italians that they are -- the Rizzos and Delfinos. But honestly, I'm mostly in it for the chocolate and hilarity. One of my life's greatest and most cherished memories is my mom taking my sisters and I to church on Easter and getting spanked in church (and out into the parking lot as we tried to avoid my mother's frustrated swats) because we were unable to control our chuckles which eventually gave way to snort laughter at a tall, goofy, ridiculously enthusiastic baritone who was singing hymns with all his heart and might. Ahhh, memories.

Deb Twiss's "IN BETWEEN"

in Soho Intl Film Festival

I met Deborah Twiss on the set of a Zombie Etiquette shoot, who are, by the way, the sweetest lot of zombies you'd ever want to meet.

Deborah's film is in the Soho International Film Festival tomorrow, Wed 4/20 at 3:20 PM, which I'm going to see, because I am luckily not a slave to the man and can do things like that in the afternoon. The film delves into the events of 9/11 to some extent and sounded really interesting when I heard her describe it in the Zombie Etiquette interview.

You can see Deborah's interview with Zombie Etiquette (and me too, kind of...) below.

Let's go support this driven actress and neat woman. You can buy your tickets here. I can't think of a better way to spend Hitler's birthday.

NYC's POEM IN YOUR POCKET DAY

April 14, 2011

The city's yearly "Poem In Your Pocket" day came and went this year. They forgot to send me an email to remind me to enter again. Winning entries were considered for print in the NY Metro. If ya pick up a copy, tell me if there were any good ones. NYC encouraged people to tweet entries yesterday, and used the one I wrote last year in this year's press release.

@jessicadelfino: I play music in the subways/to make NYC a better place/Mr. Bloomberg, don't forget/to hop off the 6 train for a quick duet

Ginsberg would've been...proud?

2 Minute Interview with Jessica Delfino

We're here with Jessica Delfino, comedian / musician who also likes to make crafts, write stuff and bake, but she never gets fat. This dynamo also never ages. Wow! What's it like to be you, Jessica?

JD: Well, it can be challenging, but I sleep lying down in a waterbed with satin sheets on it, just like everyone else.

Jessica, what is sexy to you?

JD: A bubbaliciuos babboonish balloon soccer butt (athletic / proportionate) that has the consistency of one of those goo filled stress balls. I like to chew on it like bubble gum, the way a cat eats her placenta.

Where is your favorite place?

JD: Edinburgh, Scotland, a gorgeous mysterious city of death which tries to tear what dreams you have from you like a babe from its' mothers arms.

O-kay. Anything else you'd like to add?

JD: I'm growing a garden. It has a gnome in it. Follow me on twitter.

TWO GREAAT SHOWS THIS WEEK

If you've never been to Seth Herzog's SWEET show before, well, as Phil Collins famous quotes in his song, "Tonight," "Tonight tonight's the night, wooaaaahhhhh." If that's not enough to get your booty-licious bottom into a pair of trousers and out of the house, well, how about a little convincing from the song, "Tonight" from the play "West Side Story," in which it is sung, "Tonight, tonight, won't be just any night..."

Do you need more convincing? OK, how about a little Rod Stewart. "Tonight's the night", he famously warbles, "It's gonna be alright." Shall I go on? I will answer for you. No, I think I've made my point pretty clear. So buckle up those galoshes and tighten those boot straps or shoe laces. This is a great show and you will love it. I went one time and I saw Zach Gally-fun-khakis there. And I saw tons of other awesome and funny people there. And I'll see you tonight at:

SWEET

Under Ella's

(Downstairs)

9 Ave A, just North of Houston

8:30 PM

And tomorrow, I'll be at Scott Moran's Rubber Bullets -- this show is simply great. Free show, always a great line up. $2 and $3 drinks. I went one time and Louis CK was there. You will love-like it.

RUBBER BULLETS

UC Lounge

87 Ludlow

btw Broome & Delancey

9 PM

BIG PRESS WEEK

for Ms. Delfino

For starters, I'm in this past Sunday's NY Post 150 best jests

I'm in super excellent company with dozens of my favorite comedians and some good pals, too. Though I check in late on the list with #133, I don't take it personally, because I'm sandwiched between such awesome peoples as Dave Hill, Bo Burnham, Rich Vos, Rachel Feinstein, Dom Irrera, Liz Miele and Claudia Cogan.

Next, my sense of style gets another high 5 from

the awesome ladies over at G.L.O.C.

The super hilarious Giulia Rozzi writes up my love of fabrics and colors in "I Love Your Style: The Jessica Delfino edition" -- don't forget to hit their hot party this Thursday night, 6-8 PM at 92Y TriBeCa. It's gonna be awesome! You will feel like a dunce if you miss it.

And one Mr. SOCE (that's Soce The Elemental Wizard)

put me in a cute Math whiz video he made.

Together, we have a conversation about the flying V's ukulele frets and how many possible chords there are, using math. It makes me sound way smarter than I actually am, thanks to the power of mathemagic.

Blast From The Past

With Easter coming up I thought I'd share this fun song. Watch it while eating Cadbury eggs or drawing pictures of bunnies to hang on your window.

STUFF LIKE THIS IS WHY I MOVED TO NYC

Has you or anyone you know ever done this?

http://themanhattanwonderwalk.com/

THIS IS TONIGHT!

THE PIT THEATER

123 E. 24th St.

bet. Park / Madison

show starts promptly at 9:30 PM

ends promptly at 10:15 PM

$5

See you there, good lookin'!

STUFF TO LOOK AT and LISTEN TO

&

upcoming shows this week

1. I sing a lullaby to some zombies

2. I do some complicated math with SOCE and play "RUSH" on flying V ukulele

3. Fun interview I did on Pass the Carrots podcast w/ Abigoliah Schauman, Rob Stern & pals

Tue March 22

Book Club Burlesque presents: Fight Club

see the book interpreted through burlesque, comedy + more

Parkside Lounge, 8 PM

$8

Wed March 23

Keith and the Girl podcast

I join Keith & Chemda for an afternoon of

hilarious, nail-biting chit chat. Listen and laugh.

www.katg.com

2 PM

Thurs March 24

PLAYLIST with Jess Ben & Jess

@ The PIT Theater

123 E. 24th St. @ Park

with special guests Wayne Federman,

Stuckey & Murray and Leibya Rogers (Mindy Raf)

9:30 PM

photo: me + flying V at Gatwick airport, UK, 2006

This Weekend's Activities

TONIGHT:

Happy Naked Funtime: A Burlesque Extravaganza

Location: Gibson Guitar

Time: ‎7:00PM

Saturday, March 19th

***********

AND ON SUNDAY:

Love In Strange Places

party & mixer

Tonight, writers, lovers and regular people will share stories and adventures of finding love in this modern world. The idea for the show is based on the real life romance of Jessica Delfino which was recently featured in the NY Times. Jessica found her husband to be on Craigslist over 3 years ago. Featuring Elna Baker, Abiola Abrams, Margot Morsus and more!

Sunday, March 20

6-8 PM

West 3rd Commons

1 W. 3rd St.

NYC / FREE

twitter.com/jessicadelfino

www.jessicadelfino.com

http://gigblastr.com/e623181

I'm Proud To Be A Nerd

A song I don't play out much; it has a Ghostbusters reference early on.

Quote of the Day

From the NY Times

This quote is from a story in the NY Times, "Sexy Ruses to Stop Forgetting to Remember", about how to improve your memory by associating thoughts with specific images.

“When forming images, it helps to have a dirty mind,” Foer writes. “Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex — and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.” -- Joshua Foer, author of Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything

My kinda guy. I bet "My Pu$$y Is Magic" could help him remember a thing or two. According to this brilliant young writer, my (and other people's) ribald comedy is, in effect, helping the world. I like the way he thinks. Buy his book.

53+ More Female Comedians Who Deserve Serious Love

I'd like to add a few more onto the list HuffPo started, just to dole some more credit while it's still International Women's Day. I've been performing comedy in NYC for almost 10 years, and I just met a lot of good female comedians. I know I'm forgetting a lot of people, too.

A comedy industry person said to me within the last 30 days, that "Festivals would love to use females, but it's just that there are no women doing comedy". (Please don't get mad at me for writing that if you are reading this, but now I must mock you anonymously :). Consider us even!)

So it feels good to see lists like the one on HuffPo and to write them, too. There truly are a shit load of us. Ok, so many of these women are more known for their music comedy or characters or improvisation, and some are dead or have quit, but they are all (or were) damn funny, internet space is free, and they've all inspired me and /or made me laugh. If you see someone who isn't on here, add them in the comments, and / or make your own list.

Sarah Jo Alloco

Adira Amram

Molly Anderson

Sue Ball

Lucille Ball

Elna Baker

Roseanne Barr

Jessie Cantrell

Carolyn Castiglia

Jacki Clarke

Claudia Cogan

Selena Coppock

Katina Corrao

Rachel Dratch

Ophira Eisenberg

Emily Epstein

Bridget Everett

Eliza Faria-Santos

Shaina Feinberg

Shayna Ferm

Myka Fox

Kimmy Gatewood

Bayne Gibby

Ilana Glazer

Erin Hall

Ann Harris

Katie Hartman

Carol Hartsell

Mara Herron

Katrin Hier

Erin Judge

Chemda Khalili

Kara Klenk

Esther Ku

Jen Kwok

Lisa Lampinelli

Heather Lawless

Jaime Lee

Margot Leitman

Sydney Maresca

Glennis McMurray

Veronica Mosey

Diane O'Debra

Tanya O'Debra

Rachel Parenta

Becky Poole

Molly Pope

Laura Prangley

Susan Prekel

Giulia Rozzi

Stephanie Sabelli

Hilary Schwartz

Eliza Skinner

Amber Tozer

Shane Webb

Mindy Raf

Carla Rhodes

Leah Rudick

Mandy Stadtmiller

Ahna Tessler

Lily Tomlin

Tracy Ullman

Ali Wong

Mae West

Jess Wood

Becky Yamamoto

Charlene Yi

Keisha Zollar

Suicide Note Practice

Just in case things go wrong in my 70s or 80s, I want to be prepared:

Dear suicide inducers (you know who you are):

For those of you who cared, thanks for taking a few minutes away from watching American Idol or House or wearing a cool hat to give a hoot's hollar about my life's work, my endless drive, my unique way of seeing things, my undeniable charisma and my actually quite remarkable good looks. But instead of busting my gourd for little to no reward®, I'm opting for a quick and painless g'bye. I'm done being treated like Wonder Woman's invisible jet (something amazing that no one can see) by those who could make my life better, and being punished for wanting to get ahead in life, thus, I've decided it's time for me to go where the wild things really are. I heard there's a heaven and a hell, and I am out of money and out of ambition, so I've decided to go look for these so called 'pearly gates' or this, how do you say, 'parlor of demons', and play for a new team. I hope one of them lets me in and it's not like when the cruel kids would pick teams in grammar school gym class. But it wouldn't shock me if I was even an outsider weirdo on the etherial plain. In the past, 'play for a new team' may've been a euphemism for being gay, but please honor my death by using it from now on to mean jumping off a bridge in the hopes of finding everlasting peace, ie:

Person 1: "Did you hear Bill's playing for a new team?"

Person 2: "Bill's gay?"

Person 1: "No, what is wrong with you? He hung himself with a very ugly tie."

Person 2: "Who's Bill again?"

Person 1: "No one, let's grab some McWendy's"

Do not shed one single solitary tear for me, not that you were going to anyway, lest your inner acid hatred burn a hole in the floor. But remember me in every 16 Handles that you enter, as that was my favorite part of living.

I'll send you a postcard from the Milky Way, which is the new, "See ya never." I can't bare the sight of you all so much I'm making my new goal the easier, more achievable one of, I'll tell Elvis you all said "hi".

To my family, thanks for everything. It was a wild ride. If my CDs ever go platinum, please split the money even Steven (even give some to Steven) and don't fight over my online cyber mansion.

Adios, siyonara, and toodle-oo.