Plug from the Pill

I love Flavorpill's mailing list -- first of all, they're selective. They don't just list any old thing. Second, they list really interesting events that I'm often tickled by. Third, they've got style. And I do like me some style.

Today, they've confirmed for me that they've still got it, by listing the awesome upcoming Craftermath craft show. They did muck it up a little bit by saying it was "my brainchild", I actually co-created this show with Daniella LaBocca, lady producer extraordinaire and stage manager of the awesome Skits'N'Tits, in addition to being a wicked sass master, feminist and new but fast close friend. The ChiChiones will be doing burlesque but also presenting crafts of their own (as NYC's most CRAFTASTIC burlesque group) and a few other great gals will be on hand to show their work, including Jenny and her tiny subversive paintings and more. We will also have snacks and some special tricks up our sleeves, TRUST US, we like to entertain and can't help but do things slightly awesomely.

It's THIS SAT, 6-9 PM, free, 269 Local @ 269 E. Houston / Suffolk. F to 2nd Ave or bike / walk / taxi it from your house. Do not miss it, k?



By the way, my other favorite mailing lists are FreeNYC, GirlyGirl Army and I really and truly especially love Jeff Stark's Nonsense NYC, with an honorable mention to Down By The Hipster and a few others which are skipping out of Mindtown right now like they have a court date tomorrow and they know they're gonna lose.

See ya Sat!

If for some reason you can't make it, it's OK, I'm on etsy at DENofDELFINO, though my trees be way cheaper in person.



And last but not least, I not only have tree ornaments made out of tampons, but also now, NEW! Stars of David, for your favorite Hanukkah bush. Happy 5th day of Hanukkah!

EXCITING NEWS!! What Would Jesus Buy? on TV tonite!

I was commissioned by producer Morgan Spurlock to write the anti-Christmas carols in this film. I'm so excited to see that it is going to be showing on The Sundance Channel. Please check it out if you have cable. If you don't, you can watch it here for free online. I found this movie to be highly entertaining, heart wrenching and informative, as well as blasphemous and a fun holiday film. I saw it at the Edinburgh Film Festival a few years ago on the big screen, it looked great.

Here is a memo from Reverend Billy with more info:

Monday night 9 PM EST, What Would Jesus Buy? –-starring Reverend Billy, Savitri D and the 40-voice Life After Shopping Gospel Choir-- will premiere on the Sundance Channel.

Rev and Savi will be honored to chat with you as we watch the film together, live! Go to http://revbilly.com/wwjb

Join the joyous gritty anti-consumerists as they tour the country trying to stop the shopping frenzy. From Buy Nothing Day in Times Square – to Christmas Day in Disneyland in 30 days.

For those without the Sundance Channel, you can watch WWJB? online with an Instant Netflix account, or you can stream it for free at SnagFilms.com!

The film is produced by Morgan Spurlock and directed by Rob VanAlkamade. Created in 2005, before the Great Recession, the film conjures much of the tragedy that has happened since. Amen!


Film Poster

I'M RELAXING IN THE WOODS...

...of sorta Philadelphia this weekend, celebrating Hanukkah, no, I'm not Jewish, thanks for asking, but some friends are and so this girl here named me packed up her bags, including the big one that Tyra Banks told me not to carry and then later gave me, left the big city and went to a medium sized city to learn and partake in the festival of lights.

And what a fest! We started the evening with veggie reubens made with those sweet ass smoked tempeh fakin' bacon strips, moved on to baking sugar cookies and completed the evening watching old Pee Wee Herman, Peter Paul & Mary and Stevie Nicks videos. It was a real night of Reubens. Thank you, I'll be here all weekend. I opened my Hanukkah gift -- THE STRANGERS WITH CANDY TRAPPER KEEPER!!! -- and we watched about 8 episodes while sipping tea in front of the fireplace.

God, I wish I was Jewish. These people know how to live!

I was in a movie a few weeks ago created by Victor Varnado and a bunch of other friends. In the movie, I played a mentally challenged drug dealer's assistant (Myka Fox). You can't imagine the research I had to do to accurately portray the role. (Side note: After the film, I rushed to be in the Miss G Train competition, which I got kicked out of in the first round with a success story about how I saved my money and moved out of Brooklyn and how now I ride the F train and I'm relieved because the G train sucks, and I was wearing the retard assistant coke dealer's costume and I looked like an uber idiot.) Anyway, the movie trailer is up and ready, see it here. I'm not in the trailer, but you may recognize some other faces, such as Micah Sherman and Eliza Skinner.

In other news, I found out yesterday from a Keith and The Girl listener that the song I wrote and played at my Charmin "Enjoy The Go" Times Square bathroom entertainer audition is now up and live, being played for passing pissers and poopers who happen in to utilize the fancy cans. I had 2 call backs and they didn't end up hiring me, but they liked my song, and now you can like it too, as you're "heaving and straining" in the Times Square crappers, or you can save the $4.50 round trip it would cost you to take the subway and just watch it here on the front page of the Charmin Enjoy The Go website. If you want to go see it live and in person, I don't blame you. I think the #1 and #2 trains go there, heh heh.

I was also thinking I might head up there next week, linger around the lavatory with my ukulele and suck up a little attention as I get spotted by relieved patrons, post pee pee.

OK, gonna go face plant onto the king coils of my guest bed.

THIS JUST IN!

Charmin didn't hire me to be a toilet entertainer, but they sure had no problem lifting
my jingle to play in their poop house!

from a listener of my friends podcast, "KEITH AND THE GIRL":

Hi Keith and Chemda,
I went to that Charmin giant bathroom center in Times Square today and
I saw the girl who was on your show with the pink ukulele when i was
peeing. She was singing on the tv in the bathroom. It was fun.

********************

Can you believe it!? I'm not sure what it means that they saw me on the TV in the bathroom, but I visited the website and right on the front page is an audition video, featuring a segment of yours truly's audition. I'm guessing this is the video they play in the Times Square terlet.
But where they play just snippets of other people's songs, they play almost my ENTIRE song.

AS USUAL -- regular readers of my blog have seen me write this before, I don't know when these companies are
going to catch on and start hiring me to write unforgettable, brain attaching jingles that just won't let go, something
I can do IN MY SLEEP -- I will just wait for my royalty check to come once this song becomes a commercial
but, it'll probably get lost in the mail. I mean, seriously. They pay advertising companies hundreds of thousands to
come up with songs and commercials and ideas and they could pay me a fraction of the cost and I'd be happy, and
everyone would love the songs I'd write. It's a no brainer.

Hey Charmin, buy that song! I can write more like it, too. Or hire me to come to Times Square and play my ukulele. You obviously like my work. Email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com and let's talk BIZ.

SMALL BUSINESSES RULE, of course

So I got this strange email today from this lady who said that I do a lot of great work to
encourage small business, which, thanks for noticing, is true. I do support indie everything,
from businesses to shows to crafts to what have you.

She also sent me a mocking cute video of an omnipotent "Big Business" thanking me for
all my support, for without me, they couldn't dump poison in the waters and what have
you. This is true too, except that in some cases we don't have a choice but to support
big business, or at least, not an easy choice.

I would post the video here, but I couldn't find a way to embed it onto my blog. If there
was one, it wasn't clear how I could do it. I'm a child of the 70s and the internet and
technology are still kind of foreign and wild to me.

NOTE: The expression "turkey" came from when the pilgrims got off the Mayflower and
saw the first turkey on land. They called it a "turkey" because it was so unusual looking
and weird they said it looked like something they would see in a far off, crazy country,
such as Turkey.

So yes, the internet and technology are like "turkey" to me. In some ways.

Anyway, as always, support independent businesses. For the holidays and birthdays, buy gifts at indie craft
fairs. You'd be shocked and amazed at some of the terrific crafts that people make by
hand, and indie shops and craft fairs are popping up everywhere. A few great examples are below:

weird and wacky HAND MADE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS

GORGEOUS decorated tiles and cards by Janet Restino -- these images do not do these pieces justice

For the bike rider in your life -- VERY COOL indie made HELMETS

Beautiful hand made Jewelry by Sarah Sparkles

Beautiful hand made gloves by Lamia Designs (note: most of these gloves are made of leather - I'm not a huge leather fan, but I am a huge Lamia fan)

Orchard Street's Ale Et Ange is the coolest store I've ever seen -- all the clothing, men and ladies, is made by hand. These clothes range on the more expensive side $200+ for a shirt or pair of pants) but are amazing and worth it.

SkitsNTits (I had to put this shameless plug in here) -- This show, which tonight at 10 PM celebrates it's 1 year anniversary, boasts comedy, burlesque, drink specials, sketches, videos, gift bags and more for a mere $5. Top THAT, comedy clubs. Oh, and TONITE, we will be showcasing several very unique handmade crafts on the roving craft brigade "CRAFTERMATH" table. So come pick up some indie gifts tonight!

OK that's it for now. In a nut shell, support small and local businesses WHENEVER POSSIBLE. Buying locally also reduces your carbon footprint because bigger business ships all their wares in from far, far away.

BACK ON THE HORSE

It's nice every once in a while to sit back and pout. Now that that's over with, I'm back with some cool updates. I actually have a lot of stuff to write about today.

SKITS'N'TITS, the show I co-produce with Diane O'Debra and Steph Sabelli is having its 1 year anniversary and holiday bash tomorrow, Wed. Dec 9th at 10 PM. We're being sponsored by Kong Magazine so there will be free gift bags with special contents. Listen to me -- LADIES -- you want to get there early to get your hands on one of these gift bags!

The show, as always, is at 308 Bowery at 1st St.

This month, featured guests include: comedy by Des Bishop, Victor Varnado, Liam McEneaney, Ross Hyzer, Nicky Sunshine, Milton Katz, Mike Amato and others, music by Juggernut at midnite, sketches and videos by the Skits Chicks, Diane, Steph and myself, burlesque by The ChiChiones and Julie Atlas Muz and Minnie Tonka. Craftermath punk craft brigade will be selling their alternative material wares. Uncle Shappy hosts. Stage managed by Daniella LaBocca. All for FIVE dolla. TOMORROW WED DEC 9. Be there!



Risk Show Podcast

Kevin Allison of "The State" sketch show has a great pod cast / stage show called "RISK" which has comedians telling stories of depravity and amusement for your benefit. I recently told a story on the "AWFUL JOBS" episode (the most recent episode) about how I go-go danced my way through college, and how it all went down. You can download RISK on I-tunes FOR FREE. You can also check out the website here at http://risk-show.com/.

F. Scott Schafer is an amazing, amazing man and photographer. Don't believe me? Check out his supa killa website featuring tons of celeb comedians, movie stars, athletes and more. Check out "Portfolio Lite" to see gorgeous pix of Larry David, Flight Of The Concords, Mike Myers, Sarah Silverman and many more in amazing photos -- some you've seen, and some you've never seen before.

I bring this up because I was honored to be shot by him recently in a very cool little video he filmed for a band called "Lucero".
You can see the video here on Vimeo. See if you can spot me playing my flying V pink ukulele!

Last night we had a video crew reunion and we all went to Mercury Lounge to catch this really cool band called Jeff The Brotherhood who opened up for Ted Leo the other night (who I was on the bill with at the Latitude Festival this past summer). They were amazing! I strongly suggest catching this bro duo in the act. One plays drums like a mad muppet, the other plays a 3 stringed guitar like Black Sabbath. They're pretty great.

And in closing, a story of adventure. On Sunday, I was thrilled to be part of the Roger & Dave's 2nd Annual Complete Beatles on Ukulele. It was so much fun. It was at Brooklyn Bowl, which is a bowling alley / rock club. I really like that place, I'd never been there before. I hosted the show from 6-8 and had some awesome run-ins, one was with an ex-lead singer of Tower of Power - Brent Carter, and ex-Blender editor Rob Tannenbaum (who once wrote about me that I was "the Joan Baez of vagina songs" ). It was pretty awesome to meet both of them, as they both represent some interesting times in my life.


Brent Carter, ex-Tower of Power singer

Of course these photos are super dark because I took them with my fancy I-phone which, for some reason, though it cost $300, didn't come with a flash on the phone (though my old Samsung phone which cost about $50 did) but don't get me started...!


Rob Tannenbaum, ex-editor of Blender

(it was a real night of exes)

The show was amazing. I especially enjoyed meeting and seeing Jessie Murphy In The Woods, below. They were terrific!



(isn't that stage amazing? and how about the ladies on it?)

Anyway, now for the adventure part. I grabbed a slice of pizza before I hopped on the L at Bedford, then the train came right away and I didn't have time to eat it and I didn't want to be that gross person mowwing down on a greasy slice on the subway. I was GOING to transfer to the F, but I was so excited to eat the pizza that I hopped off at 1st St, and then realized I had to get a bus on Ave A if I wanted to get home. Jeez. So I went to the bus stop and waited, delightfully eating my pizza as I walked (it was soooo good). But I realized the next bus wasn't coming for half an hour, and I could walk home in that time. So I walked down Ave A and pizza'd myself, along the way. As I meandered, I saw a $10 bill floating in the breeze and I got very excited, because I LOVE free money. Also, by the way, I have a gift -- a knack if you will, for finding free money. I ALWAYS find cash on the street, always, all the time. But that's an entry for another time.

So I bent down to pick it up, and when I did, I saw a really nice (probably expensive too) red Prada wallet lying right next to it. So I picked up the wallet and started pawing through it to find ID, credit cards and $50 more cash, in addition to the tenner. PLUS a BLANK CHECK. I knew whoever lost this wallet was really gonna want it back. As I walked, it was reallllly cold, and I still had a ways to go. I thought about my options. I had just found $10 and a wallet fulla cash on the ground. I considered taking the $10 I found and getting a taxi home. I mean, after all, the ten was on the ground, not in the wallet. And perhaps it'd be a nice reward for doing the right thing and returning the wallet. But my conscience kept me from doing that. A few moments after I'd made my decision not to um, borrow $10 for a taxi, I found myself standing directly in front of a bus stop and the bus was pulling up, OFF SCHEDULE, like a magic reward bus sent from God. I got on the bus and used my transfer, taking me almost to my door step for free.

While on the bus, I typed the wallet gal's name into FB to see if it came up. It did! So I sent her a message and told her I found her wallet. She came and got it, and all is right in the world again. She even gave me a reward for returning her wallet, which was really sweet of her to do. I almost felt guilty accepting a reward, because I was just doing the right thing. But after a tiny bit of resistance, I just let her. Because I'm nice. So I want people to be happy. And if rewarding me brings people joy, then so be it. That's how I roll. And that brings my adventure to a close. The end.

OK that's all for now, hope to see ya tomorrow night at Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery, 10 PM!!

MIDLIFE CRISIS

Things have always happened to me early. I lost my virginity when I was 14. That's kinda early. I ran away from home when I was 15 and never came back, which is kinda early to bust out forevs.

Now I'm just fresh into my 30s and feelin' all like, woah, man, shit, is this all there is? And by "this", I guess I mostly mean writing dingy jingles for a living? I love what I do but let's face it, I'm not living the life I always dreamed. I'm paying my bills, sure, but who isn't, while simultaneously wishing there was more?

I spent the summer pretty cool-like -- I toured the UK in huge festivals alongside Janeane Garofalo, Doug Stanhope. Faith No More, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Pretenders, Grace Jones and tons of others who probably didn't even see me perform or remember my name. Nothing to complain about there. But I have to say it was a drag to return home to the US to where no one really cares. Why should they? They've got Lady Gaga and Beyonce to be in love with. They've got the top pop hits to dance to, why jam out to songs about committing suicide to the song your ex-bf wrote about you, or eating tons of shit as a stoner on Thanksgiving?

Looking back on the way I've spent the last 8 years of my life, I feel kind of like a successful loser. I guess that's not the worst thing in the world -- or is it?

Anyway, happy Tuesday. Or is it Monday? I don't even know any more.

Oh, by the way, I lost the Miss G Train Competition...

I was knocked out in the first round. I tried to win the crowd over with a success story about how I moved out of Greenpoint and didn't ever have to ride the G train anymore, but they weren't really havin' it.

But I did get a little bit of press out of the deal. Here's an NY Post piece, which uses nearly my
entire submission entry (it's true, I did get eliminated in the first round).

Here they mention me again in the Greenpoint News.

Here's a Village Voice slideshow where I look psychotic -- I filmed a movie with Victor Varnado and crew all day the day of the competition, and literally raced from the shoot to the Miss G Train competition without even being able to get my outfit or anything I had planned to wear in the contest. I was stuck wearing the outfit I wore in the movie, which was that of a really idiotic drug dealer's assistant named Dunce.

My Lower East Side lease runs out at the end of December, and I'm considering moving back to Brooklyn. So, perhaps next year I'll return to the Miss G Train competition and win 'em back.



All the finalists, only one of them, me.

HAPPY STONED THANKSGIVING



I have a BRAND NEW SONG out and it's the first one in awhile. It's a mellow jam celebrating
the "high" holidays produced by Handcancel.com.
It's called "Happy Stoned Thanksgiving" and it is about, well, I think it's pretty clear what it's about.

You can hear it HERE as well as
at www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes.
Also, it's up on this rather interesting website called Sound Cloud, and if you like it, you can buy it there. It takes you to my Digital-tunes.net's page to purchase the song at my page, http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock.

NOTE: For some reason there is a mix up and it keeps taking viewers to Dirty Habit's page instead of mine, but if you like the song, check back in a few days and it will be fixed and instead take you to: http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock. I'll also update this when it is fixed.

Thanks, I hope you enjoy it! Please share it if you like it, with stoners everywhere.

Turns out the horses in the horse drawn carriages are abused, beat, whipped, forced to work long hard hours carrying fat assholes around and withstand all kinds of other terrible torture. I'm a long-time vegetarian and animal lover, so I was delighted to offer my pervy song singing skills when comedian Fiona Walsh invited myself along with a gang of other comedians to perform at Broadway Comedy Club on Dec. 4th to benefit BANHDC.org (ban horse drawn carriages) and raise some money for a worthy cause.

Just a few reasons to ban horse drawn, or "hansom" carriages, from BANHDC.org:

"The average working life of a carriage horse on NYC streets is under four years compared to a police horse whose working life is about 14 years."

"Carriage horses are out of place in midtown’s congested streets and belong to another century when there were far fewer vehicles and pedestrians...Over the years, there have been many accidents where both horses and people have been seriously injured and some in which horses have died."

"Horses must work in hot humid temperatures and in the brutal cold – nine hours a day, seven days a week and go back to stuffy stable...It is not unusual to see urine and feces stains on the horses...many of the horses come into this industry with preexisting injuries or arthritis and are forced to pull carriages containing heavy tourists – upwards of 7-800 pounds. When these horses are no longer fit to work the demanding streets of NYC, they are “retired” – many go to auction where their fate is unknown. “Killer Buyers” often buy these horses by the pound for the slaughterhouse. Horsemeat is a delicacy in some European countries."

"The ASPCA has 21 agents but they are obligated to work on cruelty issues all over the city and sometimes the state of NY...There are 68 carriages, over 200 horses and 360 drivers. There would never be enough agents to ensure that the drivers are obeying the law"

"This form of “entertainment” is exploitative and is comparable to animal circuses and roadside zoos. In the United States, over the years other immoral institutions have ended regardless of the economic impact to the industries involved. These include the use of child labor and sweat shops."

"Besides the humane issue that compel many people to object to the carriage horse trade, there is also the pervasive smell of horse feces and urine that permeates Central Park South. Even when the horses are not on the hack line at CPS, the unpleasant smell is always there. In addition, the Sanitation Department has to clean the feces from the street. People who live on Central Park South have complained about this smell for years. Those who object cannot open their windows in nice weather. In one community close to the stable on 45th St., public school children complained of health problems."

"It is not correct to assume that every out-of-towner wants to take a carriage horse ride. Many do not and avoid the area of Central Park South because the site of the horses is so painful...NYC and Company is the official tourism web site of NYC. Yet there is no mention of the carriage horse trade as being a big tourist attraction on its web site. Instead it mentions, sports events, shopping, restaurants, museums and galleries, historical attractions; Broadway; nightlife and entertainment; sightseeing tours."

Here is some more information about the ills of Horse Drawn Carriages

Please come and support this show. If you can't attend, please purchase an animal lover or enthusiast a ticket to the show, or make a donation to banhdc.org. Many celebrities and people you know are avid animal lovers and hate to see this treatment of animals. Join the growing number of people who don't want to see torture any more to animals or humans during our or any one else's lifetime.

SHOW and TICKET INFO:

December 4th @ 6.30pm
Benefit for www.banhdc.org
Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd Street
$22/2 drink minimum
You can buy tickets in advance by calling: 1.212.757.2323

Fun fact: James Brown's coffin was driven through Times Square in a horse drawn carriage. Weird!

Can anyone say, "SEMI-FINALIST?"



G, whiz! I'm so flattered! I entered the "Miss G Train" competition yesterday on a
whim, for fun (and because I'm a sucker for a contest of ANY kind)
and was notified early today that I have been chosen as a SEMI-FINALIST, based on the following "essay"
(sent with the photo of myself covered in crazy 2s) which if you haven't seen yet, you
can see it HERE) and I am being considered as a finalist for the pageant. I must have done something right in my life to have been bestowed with this awesome honor.

My semi-finalist ranking essay:

Hi!

I'm submitting for Miss G train with a success story. I used to have to take the G train to get home every day to Kingsland Ave in Greenpoint. But I worked hard, saved my money and moved OUT of Greenpoint! Now I'm living in the Lower East Side and I haven't even SEEN the G train much less ridden on it for at least 2 years. Sometimes I see that green G circle and I feel the slightest tinge of sadness for a time when I hung out on a roof with a bunch of dirty people from the midwest, smoking cigarettes and staring out at the Twin Towers, until they were disintigrated (sp?), but usually I just appreciate the fact that I can ride a bike anywhere I want to go now.

Here's a photo of myself covered in $2 bills, the OLD cost of riding the subway.

Thanks,
Jessica

(between you and me, I think it was the killer photo which sealed the deal :)

I hope I DON'T get selected as a finalist, because I have a show on Thursday night and that means I
might have to CHOOSE one or the other. Aw, cripes, I smell a show fight. Break it up, you two. There's plenty of Delfino to go around.

It's ECNY AWARDS time...

The ECNY, or "Emerging Comedians of New York" Awards is a fun time of the year
when a lot of comedians get together and some of them get awards.

I have won the best musical comedian award in the past. Would it be fun to win it
again? You betcha. So may I suggest, "Jessica Delfino" for best musical comedian.

Here is the nominee form

There are many other categories, the whole nomination form takes about 2 minutes to fill out, or less
depending on how fast you type. If you need help, just google comedy and NYC and be reminded of all
the great comedy that is out there.

IN OTHER NEWS:

My Ars Nova show went off without a hitch on Thursday night. It was so great to see the place full of
friendly faces and some faces I didn't recognize, as well. Thanks to everyone who made it out, and
for those of you who couldn't make it or who just have seen me perform a zillion times and chose
to skip this one, that's fine, too.

Now I am moving on to greener, not quite so dirty pastures and plan to retire this show unless HBO tells me they
want to film it for air. I'm working on a new album with a few friends and a new hour long show, and
I'm looking forward to new adventures. I'm also doing some acting for film and TV so do get in touch with your projects.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT we make history



And by we, I mean "I", and by history, I mean sweet, sweet music, on guitar, flying V ukulele, q-chord and of course, the whistle. And jokes. Please note: This show is fun for the whole family, except for the kids. Thanks. (In London a 10 year old came with his parents to see my show. Those people are so mature!)

I can't wait to see you there.

Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
Tickets: $10
For tickets and other info: arsnovanyc.com

SPECIAL MONEY SAVING RECESSION-TYPE OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW and register on the Ars Nova website linked above as a SUPER NOVA, you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket)

SKITS AND TITS TONIGHT!

It's $5. It's truly an awesome spectacle. Just come.

308 Bowery, NY, NY
F to 2nd Ave, 6 to Bleecker
10 PM
starring Honi Harlowe, The Chichiones, Stormy Leather,
Dan Allen, Mike Amato and other special guests.

Need a little more encouragement? OK, well, watch the following videos to see how we roll.

I Need A Ring (If Ya Wanna Do That Thing) - watch more funny videos

WANT MORE SKITS'N'TITS?

CHECK US OUT ON FUNNY OR DIE

VISIT US ON FACEBOOK.COM/SKITSNTITS

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE

And don't forget -- next month is our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!! Save the date, Wed. Dec. 9 -- every second Wednesday, SKITS'N'TITS!!

SHOWS THIS WEEK

I have three shows this week, including my solo hour long show as part of Ars Nova's Ant Fest. This show will feature a 50 minute solo set of my "dirty folk rock" hits, and I am not too proud to beg you to attend what will be one of the last times I perform this collection of music in its' entirety. All my shows are all listed in the right hand column of this blog, where they are always listed. But allow me to re-iterate this week's offerings:

Tonight, I will be performing at:

Bunch of Fives Telling Stories (I'm the musical interlude)
Sage Theater
711 7th Ave at 46th St.
8 PM
$12

Wednesday, Nov 11th, I will be performing sketches and possibly a short musical set at:

Skits'N'Tits Comedy Burlesque Variety Show
308 Bowery @ Houston
10 PM
$5
(this show is great, and features burlesque, comedy, videos, sketches and the band Das Racist at midnight)

Thursday I will be performing my 50 minute long solo show, "Dirty Folk Rock" at:

Ars Nova
511 W. 54th St. @ 10th Ave
8 PM
$10
Here's a bonus: You can get a free drink at the show by buying a ticket online in advance HEREand then signing up for
the "Super Nova" shim sham (it's easy and free).

I hope to see you at ALL of these fabulous shows. But if I can only pick one, please come to ALL of them. My solo show will be great because it's all the hits. SkitsNTits is a great show because it's just awesome, a true variety show. Bunch of Fives is a great storytelling show. So it's up to you, ya know?

We Built This iPhone App...

...and by "we", I actually mean my friend David Mitchell, but I made the sounds for the game, the various boops and beeps, and that is part of the reason I am so excited to tell you about "Dave's Tiles". It's a fun iPhone app, the sliding tiles game, with Dave's little additions to it -- you can pick a photo from your iphone to assign to the tiles and other little treats. It's a great game to play waiting for the subway or before bed to relax your mind. I strongly encourage you to buy this game!

And now, a word from Dave:

"Hey everyone, my first iPhone App just got released! It's "Dave'sTiles", a fun and challenging variation of the classic sliding tiles puzzle. It's $1.99 on iTunes. Please check it out and write a review! Here's the game's website: http://www.dsmitchell.info/DavesTiles/. Also, I'm having a release party on Wednesday night (11/11) - I'll be at Metro Cafe & Wine Bar, 32 East 21st St in Manhattan, from 6-10 pm. Come join me for a drink and check out the game."

Halloween, ReW & Wh0? and Keith And The Girl!!

I've been busy promoting my upcoming Thursday show in very fun and interesting ways. A few days ago I was on
the ReW & Wh0? show in the Bronx with these two older school neato peeps who interview rockers and freaks on
their show. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed hanging out with my interviewees, ReW and Frank Wood, a lower
east side legend maniacal and cool fella. I also got to hang out with a couple of his pals, some old rockers and chat.
It was a priceless adventure. You can see me on the ReW & Wh0 show here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AriZZmARadio#p/u/8/mjR2qtCzsUw

Last night I trucked me-self out to Queens with my pal Ben Lerman to perform on the Keith and the Girl podcast. Ben has been raving about the podcast for months, saying I've gotta get out there. Finally, we made it happen and Keith and the Girl very generously let me come on the show to promote my Ars Nova show. We had a blast, it was so much fun. Ben poured me a literal vat of whiskey and we drank, joked, laugh and sang a few numbers. You can check that out at www.katg.com.

Finally, here's a picture of me and my friend David on Halloween. Interestingly, we're both dressed in drag. We got maaaaddd photos that night!



T.T.Y.L.

What Did You Do On Thurs And Fri This Week?

I auditioned for a sweet gig hanging out at free bathrooms in Times Square. This holiday job pays $10,000 for 5 weeks. They're looking for people to entertain and hang out with people waiting in line to use the bathrooms. I hope I get the job! I don't think I'm going to get it though, because I accidentally blew a kiss to the judges at the end of the audition. But if they need an accidentally innocently awkward artist musician performer girl, I'm their lady.

I wrote an original song for my audition on my pink flying V ukulele. I arrived at 9 am yesterday in time to be #177. I went into the big conference room with hundreds of other hopefuls and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, around 2 pm or so, I was brought up to audition. I sang my song and was invited for a call back today. This morning at 11 am, I made my way back to midtown for my second audition.

The room was full of people the second time! There were people taking notes, rolling cameras and really giving me a thorough interview to make sure that I would potentially be right as a bathroom attendant.

You can see the video here of the line and auditions hi-jinks, including a brief segment of my song.

MY CAT ROCKS

Yeah, I said it. My cat f'in rocks. I have the coolest cat in the world. She plays fetch with these little stuffed mice, she walks around on hind legs, she does freelance tricks off the doors and walls that'd make skaters jealous, she catches flies in the air and devours them with the cutest face I've ever seen on a heartless killer, she hangs out with me in my lap and puts her little paws on the desk while I type (like she's working too), she sleeps in the bend of my knee and keeps me warm, she talks to me with this little whirrrr? sound all the time. She's the coolest.

A lot of people hate cats, or get freaked out by people who love cats, especially if those people are women. And I understand. Worship of anything adorable can be disconcerting to witness. Seeing two couples rubbing noses, for instance? Vomitorious. And for awhile I've tried to pretend like I'm not cat-a-riffic, but it's too impossible when you have a cat as awesome as my Ms. Puss.

I was at Seth Herzog's Sweet show last night at Slipper Room, and Julian McCullough was on stage talking about his cat. He did about 5 or so minutes on his cat and it was hilarious shit. I've wanted to involve Ms. Puss in my stand up for a long time but I thought it'd come off as crazy cat lady-esque. But to have a penis and do cat material -- what a blessing. It was magical. It was some of the funniest stuff I've heard, and some of the best cat material ever. He talked about how animal shelters should be open at 4 am, when people can't wait to make poor life decisions, and so on. Ya gotta see it. He was also talking about how his cat is named Pop Tarts. Not Pop Tart. Here's a sample of his stand up:


Julian McCullough Performs Stand-up - For more funny videos, click here

I filmed a little video of me singing my song, "Let's Legalize Drugs" a few months ago when Ms. Puss was just a kitten and she was running around like a psychotic maniac while I was trying to film the video. I put her in my room but she was crying and freaking out and I didn't want to have the video be filled with the sad meows of what sounded like an abused and tortured cat in the other room, so I figured, screw it, I'll just let her go psychotic while I film the video and I'll pretend I have no idea. It turned out pretty funny. Here's that video:



She also used to make special guest appearances in my "Jessica's Chest of Treasures" videos.

So last night at Sweet, a lady with a very tiny, very adorable dog in a bag showed up and the comics were all fawning over it. Some of us were crying tears of cuteness over it and others were disgusted. One comic was like, "That's bullshit, get a leash". My POV was that it makes sense to carry a puppy purse, because having a dog in a bag was like a little sack of approval. I wish I could carry my cat around with me. It's not only instantaneous attention to have a cute animal in a mesh purse, but you're never lonely. It's like the baby I'm too afraid / too much of a failure to have. Also, because Ms. Puss is so cool, I want to take her everywhere with me.

I saw a dude in midtown with a cat he carried around on his shoulder, and then it'd go on his head and balance. It was a really cool cat. The guy was a dick though. I tried to take a picture and he got all homeless on me.

And that's my morning cat chat. Ah, cats!

ABOUT THE ANDY KAUFMAN AWARDS LAST NIGHT

The show was soo much fun. I arrived early. Ben Lerman and I traveled up together from the Lower East Side using a little method of transportation I like to call the "F" train. For one magic time in my life, that monster showed up right as I set foot on the platform. Ben and I hopped on and were whisked away like some kind of movie stars. I actually felt pretty good because I was all dolled up and I looked good and I knew it. After spending a lot of time thinking about the award and contemplating what to do, and even coming up with some half decent wackadoo ideas, I decided finally to just be myself. I decided, I'm not "like" Andy Kaufman in that I play pranks on the audience so much, but I am like Andy Kaufman in that I'm an unusual one, a weirdo in my own way, and I like to have fun with people, whether they're completely comprehensive of what is going on or not.

Walking in, I saw Michael Kaufman who I knew from years past. He gave me a big old hug, and it was really nice to see him, like seeing an old friend. I also met Al Parinello who I'd talked to on the phone, who was producing the show, and I could tell right away he had been some kind of performer before. He was funny, charismatic and quick witted. I was right! He owned a radio station once upon a time in Atlantic City, and he put Andy Kaufman on stage the first time Andy had ever performed.

There were 25 other contestants in the show, chosen out of 100+ contestants. I have been a semi-finalist in 2 other shows and a finalist in the one the year that Kristen Schaal won. I saw a lot of people there who I recognized, including Kristen Schaal, who was a celebrity judge. Ben Lerman and Mike Amato, my flat mates from this past summer were both competing, as well as Shane Webb, Matt McCarthy, Matt Higgins, Eric Davis and several others I know and love, as well as many I'd never seen and some I'd only vaguely heard of.

Of the ones I've never seen before, some I really enjoyed were Mary Van Note, Claire Titelman and Sasha & Noob. I really enjoyed almost every act I saw though, and the judges literally could have picked 6 names at random and all of them would have been pretty Kaufmanesque, and worthy of winning.

The ones who won are as follows: One of them was a friend of mine, Mike Amato. They also chose Sasha & Noob, Blaine Kneece, Robby Roadsteamer, Eric Davis and Harrison Greenbaum.

I felt really good about my set and my decision to just be myself, and to not try to be Kaufman-y, though I had some pretty good Kaufman-like ideas. The audience enjoyed my set a lot, and I left the stage feeling very confident. My friends and co-competitors were also very supportive and encouraging. And I made some new friends! The ones who won deserved to win, and I am thinking of going back tonight to watch the finals.

For anyone interested in seeing it, it's at 7 PM tonight at Carolines, at 50th and Broadway in NYC. Go!!! See some Kaufman"esque" comedy from these comedians while they're still young and crazy.