Tuesday, November 16, 2010

JD ON TV once again

Yes, it's just a couple momentary flashes of me via my side face and / or bright electric blue pantaloons, yes, it's short and sweet, and yes, it's on cable television which I know many of you don't have or don't watch, even if you do have it. However, it's exciting to me, and it's for a cool fun new product which I actually WANT and therefore, did not feel as though I was selling my soul to the devil or sucking corporate you-know-what. Not to mention we really had a blast filming this commercial, because it was made with a buncha friends, including Carolyn Castiglia and other familiar faces of comedy. Directed / written by Bex Schwartz for VH1 / Microsoft / the video game Dance Central. Fun fact: We used to be in a band together a long time ago with Shauna Lane called, "Hot Little Pieces of Ass". Ah, the good old days.

GROSSMALERMAN

Here's the video from that shoot I did a few weeks ago with all those awesome people I told you about, Guy Richards Smit + crew. It was lots of fun and we have since also shot a 2nd episode. But here is the first one, up on FunnyOrDie.com, for you to peep your peepers upon:


And pre-order a Christmas CD! I have a dream that all 100 of these babies will sell. Let me have my Christmas miracle, will ya? You can pay via paypal.com ($10 shipped anywhere in the US, $15 shipped anywhere in the world) or you can write a check / money order. Email for more details - jessdelfino at yahoo dot com.

We are also looking into some digital distribution options, more details TBA.

Finally: This Thursday will be my last performance in NYC before I go on a 10 day hiatus and road trip, finishing my CD and doing a few shows out of town. Performances this week include:

Today, Tue: I'll be on www.katg.com podcast at 3ish PM.
Tmrw, Wed: I'll be on Alexis Guererros' Entertaining the Barback at Angels & Kings, 8 PM.
Thursday: I'll be at Rachel Kramer Bussel's In The Flesh at Happy Ending, 7 PM.

Then lots of fun stuff is coming up in December, including Skits'N'Tits 2 year anniversary show Dec. 8, Arlene's Grocery with Carla Rhodes Dec. 12, (and that will also be my official CD release party), and lots more crazy shit, so keep in touch and read the blog and my website for more info.

Monday, November 8, 2010

UPDATE on HOLIDAY LP

I'm feeling really excited about this new LP peeps. I have been working very hard on it and it sounds awesome. It's one of the first things I've done in awhile that I'm truly proud of. Remember, there are only 100 of these CDs being made and they are truly unique and special. The 5 songs on the CD are brand new never been heard funny songs about the holidays in my Jessica Delfino style - and get this - albeit demented, they are actually fun (read: clean enough) for the whole family! No shit. That means granny and the kids can hear them as well. They are selling like warm muffins so get yours before they're all gone. Pre order happening NOW o'clock.

These puppies will ship out the last week of November in time for the Jewish stuffs.

If you live in NYC, you are invited to the ordinary Christmas spectacular listening event. More info TBA.

Info below, reposted from my FB page:

Limited Release Jessica Delfino holiday CD with all new demented songs for your holiday party fun! Pre-Order today at paypal.com: jess delfino at yahoo dot com. $10 includes shipping anywhere in the USA. $15 for the UK / rest of the world. Will arrive first week of December (in time for Hanukkah)



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Now taking pre-orders for
ALL NEW
limited edition Jessica Delfino HOLIDAY RELEASE CD!

$10 includes shipping anywhere in US
$15 includes shipping anywhere in UK / the world

This is the first new CD I've put out in over 2 years - since "I Wanna Be Famous". I'm into the holiday spirit this year and have been inspired to make this new CD with holiday themed, really demented songs. If you like what I do, you will love this CD. Each CD comes with Jessica Delfino original artwork, and is numbered and signed. There are only 100 of these CDs, so order yours today in time for Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or some other fun holiday you celebrate instead of the ones that everyone else celebrates, Witchmas or what have you. Don't forget to include your name and address on your order, as well as any special instructions (extra licks to the envelope, etc).

CDs will be sent out first week of December so you will get them in time for Hanukkah.

Right now the only option for pre-orders is through Paypal, but that may change so keep checking back here and on the Jessica Delfino Facebook page for updates. Send $10 (US) or $15 (rest of the world) to: jess delfino at yahoo dot com using www.paypal.com.

Other Jessica Delfino style holiday fun includes the handmade ornaments I make out of tampy tampons. It may seem gross and weird, and it kind of is. But they're also pretty funny. I make little mini Christmas tress and little mini star of Davids. They are lovely and sick. $5 on my Ebay page: Den of Delfino. You can read more about my craft endeavors and craftivism on my craft group's blog, "Craftermath NYC".

Friday, October 22, 2010

COCKTOBER

Holy hair cut, the rest of this month is going to be an everlasting gobstopper with shows up the yin AND the yang. Saturday night at 10 PM at the nutty yet adorable Theater 80, (80 St. Marks, NYC) join me for Jena Friedman's Refugee Girls Revue if you haven't already seen it. It's a musical political satire with boys wearing skirts and us all singing our esophaguses out.

On Sunday, be one of us at the Halloween Freakfest at Tompkins "Scare" Park, 2 pm til dusk. Us chickens will be singing, dancing and necromancing on the stage and show provided and produced by Our Lady of Perpetual PMS. This free show features a bunch of solid freaks, 100% guaranteed or your money back, bitch.

After that, I'll be skyping on into the Galway Comedy Festival alongside Neil Hamburger and others. It's gonna be internationally, internetically awesome. I will be able to perform from the comfort of my own home. I LOVE THE INTERNET.

Finally, I'll close out my weekend with a set of some experimental brand spankzy new material at Three of Cups on RG Daniel's show, which if I'm not mistaken is at 8 in the pizza. That's what the kids say now instead of PM. They say, hey, wanna come over for dinner? My mom's cooking Hamburger Helper around 8 in the pizza. Because kids are stupid because their brains are still forming.

There's a lot of other stuff also going on the rest of this month, including the Rejection Show "Cease and Decist" next Wednesday, 9:30 at UCB with Jon Friedman, Jena Friedman (not related), myself and others and the actual real live Gong Show (part 2) on Halloween at BB King's in Times Square. The last show was out of control, like a train on PCP. It was one of the greatest shows I've ever seen.

I used to do crazy Halloween shows with my old band Haunted Pussy every Halloween. We don't do them any more, now that the band has broken up, but I left up the website so that you can see how I used to party back in the bad old days.

Keep in touch. Thank you much.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Peace! I mean, Two!

See anyone who looks familiar? I' m in this Italian Fiat commercial for two seconds, (but I think it's the French version of it) making a peace sign, or a number 2, which ever you prefer. I only wish I knew what the nice man was saying!


Ya wanna see more of that sweet, sweet lady? Come to Caroline's Comedy Club tomorrow (Wed) night around 7 PM and witness the magic at the Comedy Smack show, along with Tom Shillue, Jessie Cantrell and more!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Just sayin'...

I love Carolyn Castiglia for a lot of reasons. She's a sassy awesome funny mother, I mean of a child, and I guess I mean a sassy awesome funny mother %$cker, too.

She wrote this article about women in comedy and how they are eternally invisible and constantly ignored. You may be confused -- but I thought that women were doing alright these days? Well, maybe we're not all hanging out in the kitchen, barefoot and preggo while the menfolk are all off, busy earning all the bacon. But it is simply the truth that women in nearly every field still don't make as much money as men, which is messed up because many women are single mothers. The sexes are just not viewed as equal, even now, in comedy or elsewhere.

A misnomer: But aren't there more men in comedy than women?
The answer is no, but by the way the media covers comedy, you might think that...see Carolyn's story for more.

It's great to see so many women doing well in comedy. But the reason they are is because people like Carolyn and so many others before her had the fearlessness and continue to still tackle these issues now. And if we women want to continue to enjoy success and hope for bigger and better success in the future, we have to keep it up. So please pardon this interruption, you can go back to whatever you were doing now.

PS - I love this quote:

"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" -- Madeline Albright

In case you're not sure, that means if you're a woman in a position of power and you can help a gal pal out, do it. K? And if you're a dude, this post doesn't mean I hate you or anything. I loooove men. Too much, even, sometimes. A fella'll get a ho into trubs. That's why I have long term boyfriends all the time, just in case you were wondering.

Now go have a nice Friday night!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's a bloated butt (or boat, depending on your preference)
of fun shows between the dates of NOW and Oct. 18

Tomorrow, WEDNESDAY OCT 13: SKITS'N'TITS
Then on SATURDAY Oct 16: REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE
And finally, NEXT MONDAY Oct. 18: SHOWGASM @ Ars Nova

Of course Skits'N'Tits is going to be awesome, and so you're definitely going to be there, and you go every month, so you already know that it's at 308 Bowery @ 10 PM, and stars Onion editor Joe Garden, Dizzy Swank and Divina Gran Sparkle, as well as other great peeps. But that doesn't mean you should miss Jena Friedman's Refugee Girls Revue this and every Saturday night in October at 10 PM, at Theater 80, (formerly the theater known as "The Pearl") at
80 St. Marks @ 1st Ave, or that you should poo poo the Showgasm variety show, which is always a blast and celebrates the ANT Festival at Ars Nova, next Monday, 10/18. More details for the gaz below.

SHOWGASM
With your special guest host, Lucas Kavner
Monday (10/18) Doors @ 7:30

FREE!
(And featuring a happy-half-hour with $2 beers from 7:30-8!)

Free to all, but reservations are a must and can be made here.

Help Ars Nova celebrate the start of ANT Fest
with drinks, friends and a great lineup of performers
who will keep things rowdy at everyone's favorite party/show.

Hosted by Ars favorite Lucas Kavner,
featured performers include:


And your house band, Goodbye Picasso!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

BEGINNER GUITAR LESSONS
at Education Alliance, starring me as your teacher!

Sign up now and learn guitar basics with me. Classes start in October. I've been teaching guitar and ukelele lessons through an agency for about a year now and am really enjoying it. Come learn how to write ribald and delightfully demented songs of your own!

Check out this article in the Grand Street News (featuring my photo) for more info...

And if you're thinking of buying a guitar, I suggest checking out www.musiciansfriend.com, which has free shipping, which I deem to be awesome.

Upcoming shows:

TONIGHT, Sat Oct. 9
REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE
10 PM
Theater 80,
80 St. Marks, $10

Monday Oct. 11
New Song Monday
@ NY Talent Show
308 Bowery
10:30 PM

Wed Oct 13
Skits'N'Tits: Halloween Edition
308 Bowery
10 PM
with Joe Garden (editor, The Onion)
and many more awesome people doing
burlesque, comedy, and making awesome-ness
$8 at the door

Friday, October 1, 2010


UK's Ian Todd "Untruths" Podcast,
REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE opens THIS SAT
@ 10 PM


I had the pleasure of talking to Ian Todd on his podcast about unicorns, my unrealistic crushes (Owen Wilson, etc) and what kind of discotheque I'd open (hint: mine would scare AND excite dancers) among other things. You can listen to our conversation HERE. I think mine is #4 now because I didn't post this sooner.

Also THIS SATURDAY get your tickets now online for REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE. This play, written by Jena Friedman, stars all your favorite comedians (many of them gay) such as Ben Lerman, Shawn Hollenbach, Benjamin Kissel and many others. You will laugh at this dark, demented play, where dudes you dig dress up as tween aged girls and re-enact scenes of disaster from around the world. And we all sing and dance. It's great! And only $10. OPENING NIGHT IS THIS SAT @ 10 PM, there may still be some tickets left.

THIS SAT, OCT 2 marks the
opening night of
Theater 80
80 St. Marks @ 1st Ave.
10 PM

Be there.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

COMMERCIAL ACTORRRRR

That's right, I'm officially an official commercial actor now with not one but two legitimate, bona-fide commercials under my belt. Last week I appeared in an international Fiat commercial playing guitar and flashing a peace sign at the camera, and this week I am in a "Gear To Go Outfitters" commercial alongside Dan Allen, shot by my faves, Andy Stuckey and Jon Murray. It was a really fun day shoot and I think the finished product looks pretty good. Nice job to the team!

If you ever want to go hiking, get in touch with GTG, they make a mean woodsman pasta with fresh grated parmesan. I don't know if sex comes with the trip or not, the way this video might indicate, but the wine actually DOES.

I have a commercial agent through Ingber & Associates, so call them and hire me to do stuff. Bye!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

TONIGHT
WED SEPT 29

Positively Awesome
with Soce the Elemental Wizard and
other special guests! (including me)
8 PM, @ 58 2nd Ave.
FREE admission

...and by the by...

I'm being followed by Atlanta Escorts, Atlanta's premiere
escort service. Top that.


I wondered why they would follow me, and then I remembered
tweeting the following tweet:

Politicians shut Craigslist sex ads section down.
Kinda shooting themselves in the foot, aren't they?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Andy Kaufman Submission

I wasn't going to submit again this year, after being a finalist, performing in the awards 3 times and having great sets every year but not winning. But I keep getting accepted to perform in it, so I guess that's a good thing. This year, I'm trying something a little different. This submission is different than the pieces I have prepared for the show before, and all of them are new and a departure from what I normally do on stage, which is sing dirty songs and tell jokes.

In this one, I do a dance piece as a character who is a modern dance grad presenting a dance piece in which she talks a friend out of committing suicide.

Enjoy, ya raggamuffins. Share it with your dancer friends or anyone you know who is considering committing suicide. Maybe it will be just the thing they need to see to push them over the edge.


Update: The Japanese have gotten hold of this video and posted it on a Japanese website! Hurrah! I love the Japanese people. They get me. Unless I'm wrong and the website isn't Japanese at all, and is in fact, Chinese or something else. I hope I know my asian characters better than that. Here's the link. Can someone tell me?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A FEW FOR TUE
Vatooing Top 10 list on FunnyNotSlutty.com,
Show tonight, Fiat commercial,
a sweet mention in Sadie Magazine

I'm psyched to share this funny list with you. I helped! Reasons 1-5 were squeezed fresh from my melon. That was a euphemism for my brain. Top 10 Reasons Vatooing is better than Vajazzling on FunnyNotSlutty.com.

TONITE, Tue Sept. 21, come see me rock out.

The Rover
41 Wooster St. 2nd FL
(btw Grand and Broome Sts)
NY, Ny 10013
8 PM, Tix are $10

JD in a Fiat Commercial

I'm wicked (Maine-style) excited (and kind of tripped out) to announce that I'm in an international Fiat car commercial playing my guitar in front of an NYC subway station. Awesome! If you see the commercial, (I'm in it for a few seconds, flashing a peace sign at the camera) drop me a line and let me know! And for those of you who are excited to see it - fret not! I'll post it as soon as I can. I'd also like to give a shout out to the terrific Heather Fink for her help.

Lastly, check out this awesome magazine that totally rocks and is so lady-riffic it's melting my ovaries. They, and by "they", I mean SADIE MAGAZINE mentioned me in the intro as an inspiration, for which, I'm super flattered and delighted. It's actually inspiring right back to be called someone's inspiration (among a list of other really terrific people, too) so thanks to them for that little ego massage and lots of luck to them. Encourage them, they look like they're doing awesome stuff.

Check back soon, new song up pronto! It's a really dirty one, too.

Monday, September 20, 2010


MONDAY FUNDAY

I got up "early" this morning and took a stroll through the lower east side, stopping at Whole Foods to grab some cat grub and then at the Christie Street whole sale beer joint to browse craft ales. Memo to marketing companies - I am not to proud to place your product / location here. It is a lovely day and the weather is nice, not quite cold, though you can feel fall nibbling at your heels ready to come in and assume it's rightful position as boss of the climate for the next few months.

Do you think it's going to be a cold winter? I ride my bike all winter long so it's always cold for me. I have a few pairs of those glove warmer thingies all ready.

This afternoon, I will shoot a video with friends at a nearby art gallery, then head uptown to rehearse for Refugee Girls Revue, which is getting really close. Just a few more rehearsals, then I will be able to return to the Monday Night Rendezvous comedy show I do with Shane Webb and Myka Fox at Bar on A, every Monday at 8, free. Stop in tonight and say hello. Ask them if you can have my free drink ticket since I won't be using it.

Later, I'll be at Bowery Poetry Club for Diane O'Debra and Victor Varnado's NYC Talent Show, where I'll try out a new song (very dirty) and hang with some pals I haven't seen in a bit. Come have a drink with me there, your treat, to make up for my free drink ticket you used at Bar on A.

Wanna make a video / project together? Email me. The fall brings out my collaborative spirit. I'm also looking to put together a band of sorts and find some new fun sounds.

Scrotums and scabies forever,


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sweet Music, Sweet Revenge

Katy Perry got her revenge on her ex high school crush Shane Lopes who is all over the news today for it. Looks like he's getting his 15 minutes of fame now. Katy Perry dissed him at a show for not liking her when back when they were in high school. I wrote a song about that very thing called "Boner For Me" - in the song, I'm on stage and I see a guy I was crushed on who didn't give me the time of day. I go on to say that now he's surely got a 'boner for me'. But I didn't actually call the dude out for it, I just nick named him, "Super Cool" and am Facebook friends with him today. He's married and stuff, and surely happily so. And I'm living my dreams in NYC. So it was a win-win, really. And Katy is livin' it up with Mr. hot and hilarious himself, Russell Brand, so really, she should be sending Shane a thank you card for giving her the purported cold shoulder, or else she might be a chubby mid-western housewife singing Gospel songs at the local rec center.

If you don't want to buy the iTunes version of my song (linked above) you can hear it HERE for free. While you're at it, visit my main myspace page with all my friends and videos and stuff, too.


What am I doin' for the next 2 nights?

Lasers In The Jungle
9 PM
Luca Lounge
Ave A @ 12th-ish
(click link above for more info)
with Jon Mulaney, Carol Hartsell and more

No Drink Minimum
9 PM
Producer's Club
44th St. bt 8/9 (closer to 9th Ave)
with David Carl, Seth Herzog, Katina Corrao

And here's a photo of me with a shaved cat on my neck:

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Quik Notez

Hey friends, check out this awesome podcast called KEITH & THE GIRL which I was part of recently. People love it and if you don't know about it, you should, too. One of us! One of us!

Also, mark your calendars for next Monday at 7:30 PM for the Monday Rendezvous show. It's free with cheap drinks and hot, tight asses of comedy. You're gonna love it. Bar on A, Ave A @ 11th St. I won't be there but a lot of awesomes will be. And I'll be back in October, so buck up, ya goof ball.

Finally, don't forget, we have a date tonight at Parkside Lounge at 8 PM. I'll be late. I'll be wearing something super sexy to make up for it. I will not blow you.
2 exciting notices today
show tonight, play coming up

And by "exciting notices" I mean, ya know, kind of medium exciting, and really more exciting for me, probably, but who knows? Maybe you're totally psyched to hear about when and where I'm playing. I bet you are. I believe you are! Look! I'm believing in myself! Phew. That was exhausting.

TONIGHT, I'll be rockin' the stage with a new song at the Book Club Burlesque show. This month, we highlight "The Joy Of Cooking". Bring your aprons and oven mitts (and valium) and get ready for fun! More info can be found on waste book or RIGHT HERE or you can also just trust me and blindly come tonight to Parkside Lounge at 8 PM, that's at the intersection of Attorney @ E. Houston. (one block east of Clinton.) Tix are $5 or $8 or something like that but not more than $10. How's that for information central? It's a great show, there are boobs, and it can get pretty wild.

AND BY THE BY, if you haven't heard yet, I'm in a play every Saturday in October (that I'm missing my boyfriend's birthday party to be in, so I better see some asses in some seats). I know it's gonna be great. It was written by a good friend, Jena Friedman, and it is called REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE, based on American Girl dolls. It's funny, it's campy, there are gay boys pretending to be tween girls, we all sing a lot and it's ridiculous. Check out the website HERE and here's some more info while I'm at it. Note the stellar cast, including Ben Lerman, Dave Hill, Shawn Hollenback and more!
October 2 at 10:00 pm through October 30 at 10:00 pm

LocationTheatre 80
80 St. Marks Place and 1st Avenue, East Village
New York, NY

More InfoCheck out the cross-dressing revival of the 2008 New York Fringe Festival hit, THE REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE, a dark musical comedy inspired by the American Girl Dolls!!!

@ Theatre 80 (80 St. Marks and 1st Ave) in the East Village

Saturday, October 2 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 9 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 16 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 23 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 30 at 10 p.m.

"Nothing is safe or sacred in this deliciously wicked spoof" - Time Out New York

"A razor sharp satire" - NYTheatre.com

THE REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE: A MUSICAL PARODY
www.refugeegirlsrevue.com
Written by Jena Friedman
Directed by Scott Illingworth
Music by Elia Einhorn

Starring: JESSICA DELFINO, DAVE HILL, BEN LERMAN, SHAWN HOLLENBACH, JEFF ASHWORTH, CHANCE BLAKELEY, ROY KOSHY, SHAUNA PINKETT, WILLIAM VON VOGT AND CALISE HAWKINS, BEN KISSEL AND ALEXIS GUERREROS

Monday, September 13, 2010

TONITE
Kurt & Kristen's Hot Tub

kurt-kristen-hires1.jpg


Hey birds, tonight bring your dogs to the 1st Annual Puppy Hugging Parade and 9/11 Memorial at Kurt & Kristen's Hot Tub show. The show is always fun, without dogs, parades or 9/11. But tonight will be extra fun, because there will be dogs, a parade and 9/11. A lot of people have asked me if dogs will be let into the venue. I don't know. You may want to call Littlefield in advance to ask. (718) 855-3388. I'm going to be in the parade marching band, which will be a rag tag collection of lots of lovable music nerds. I will playing my Q-chord and it will be lots of fun!

Littlefield is located at 622 Degraw, Brooklyn, NY.
I'm told that's the Park Slope area.

Here's more info about tonight's show: