TONITE:

DELFINO AT THE SEA SHORE

my feet in the sand

I'm hittin' the comedy mic with Matt McCarthy at Coffee.Comedy at 8 PM. In case you don't know, Matt is the Verizon guy from the commercials. I know this because when I called to make a reservation of 16 people (my boyfriend's entire family) for the show tonight, the gal who answered the phone was very excited about it. Also, because I know Matt and I keep seeing his smily pink face on all the commercials. So if you're in the Jerzy area and wanna see a kickin' show, come on down. Details:

Coffee.Comedy

29 JFK Boulevard

Sea Isle City, NJ

8 PM doors

9 PM show

$15

RSVP strongly encouraged

(609) 263-5282

This should be a fun one. I'll be singing all my ribald nuttiness for my boyfriend's whole family to enjoy. Let's hope this doesn't turn him into a boy enemy heh heh barf. I think it will be OK, they know the score (negative 10), they've got my number (69), and they're ready to dirty folk rock out! (!)

GONG SHOW LIVE TONITE

Don't miss it, America, it's gonna be out of control amazing. If you were at Skits'N'Tits last night, you saw a great show. Now tonight at BB King's, you get a chance to see another awesome show, or to make up for missing a terrific show last night.

Tonight myself and a randy crew of gay-ish rapists are going to dance to a song I play on my customized rape whistle. I won the Arlene's Grocery Gong Show a few years ago, now it's time for me to take this one, too. I need to see your smiling faces there so do come out for what promises to be an insanely awesome show, and when I say insane, I mean it! You will not be disappointed or leave feeling un-entertained.

More info here, see you tonight at 8, don't be late!

New Song Monday

posted on Sunday

This song is about a hot, mostly submissive male life partner type who is imagined to my exact specifications and is slightly gayish, it's not about just any old slave fetish-y fella who enjoys having women walk on his back while he lies on broken glass or enjoys cleaning houses naked. So please don't call or email me if you're looking for a dominant madame, instead, perhaps try the back of the Village Voice. Thanks for your loving ears and eyes! To join the Song of the Month club (which sends free songs to you not necessarily on a regular basis), email jess delfino at yahoo dot com, or LIKE my Facebook page.

Controversial Interview

Can't I just be myself without getting into trouble?

I really should move to the UK, where there are hot boob models on page 4 of the daily newspapers, beer for kids and industry people who appreciate a bit of sass.

I did an interview for an arts blog written by Lee Anderson which is sponsored by the NY Dept. of Cultural Arts. Unfortunately for Mr. Anderson, the Dept. was not pleased with the post, because I'm not a ballerina or a corny new age dancer. So please, if you are my friend and like what I do, go to the blog and write a positive comment about how much you love to see things of my caliber and how there should be more dirty folk rock in the world, or just use your own words, to help Lee not have his sponsorship taken away.

Thanks. It sucks to be an artist in a world where people who are in charge of art don't get it.

Maybe if enough people express how much they enjoy all types of performance, the head art honchos of the US will allow America to watch more interesting and challenging performances in a wider array of public forums. Haaaahahahahahaha, yeah, right.

In other news, $kits'N'Tit$ (note my self-censorship) is coming up next Wed Aug 11 and on Thurs Aug 12, I'm performing at the Sony Music Gong Show @ BB Kings. Come to one, come to both, just getcher selves there!!

Finally, here are a few secret photos from the Curb Your Enthusiasm shoot -- we were not allowed to have a camera on the set but Ms. "I'm a real outlaw what with my dirty words and my songs about things we all have and know about and have for most of our adult lives" Delfino snapped a few anyway. On my walk to the shoot I saw this sign on the street, that's what happens when you shoot in Harlem / the Bronx and pretend it's the Upper East Side.

Here, Larry and Susie "drive by", well, they're in a car on a trailer. They used a hybrid car in the scene, which I thought was really awesome. I think I read somewhere that Larry is a hybrid car advocate.

Here they are again, I always wondered how those shots were done, now I know. With about 15 people, a million watts of light and a huge truck.

Here are my two favorite people from the shoot, Shaina and Kyla, I'm saying and spelling their names from memory so I might be wrong. But we kept each other entertained and laughing through the exhaustive heat, blaring sun, long day and annoying nincompoops who tried to upstage Larry David. If you're reading this, hey ladies! If the nincompoops are reading this, you are not funnier than Larry David!

Those were my Monday pals, I also met a sweet girl on the Friday shoot named Clara, I think, but I'm terrible with names / foggy minded from a long history of self-medicating. She was the best, so sweet! The holding area director guy had a talent show for the actors in the scene, so I got to do some of my stand up! He recorded it on his video camera, which I didn't see him doing til after my "set". I wonder what he will do with it?

And here was one of the best parts, catering with lobster, tuna and a delicious array of salad. I never get to eat like this, so I cherished this wonderful meal. Though I consider myself to be mainly a vegetarian, I eat meat maybe once or twice a year and was raised on seafood. I owe all I have to the bounty of the ocean, my father raised us by selling lobster and still does to this day. I do eat seafood now and then and I don't feel great about it, but in the native american / hippie tradition, in addition to loving the taste of seafood, I appreciate the energy and life force I draw from it, and at least I am aware of that. Seafood is my Jesus, it died for my sins.

Sadly, I couldn't finish the full plate of food, and was dreading having to chuck tuna and lobster, but they had to go containers so I got to bring it home!

Best day ever.

Curb-side

I'm heading back over to Curb Your Enthusiasm today to finish the scene I was in on Monday, and I'm getting paid as AFTRA today which means someone's gonna be makin' the big bucks!

The plus side, I get to stand in the shade of Larry David all day, sucking up his quips and hoping a shred of his magic and talent will get caught in a breeze headed in my direction.

The minus side, this shit is a long, tiring day, and it's a hot one, too.

In other news, here is a video from the Coney Island Talent Show which I was in this past weekend. I did not win, which shows how much they know about freaks. I spent the day on the beach with friends, sucking rum and coconut juice through a straw and baking to a nice, cancer-y shade of sienna.

I've decided, when it's my time, unless fate beats me to it, that's how I'm gonna do myself in. I'm gonna tan myself to death. It seems like a friendly, sunny way to go.

Good Stuff Alert

Though I miss Diane O'Debra dearly, her absence means that I get to host the terrific NYC Talent Show with Victor Varnado for a couple weeks til she gets back. Last night I hosted my first week after a very long day hangin' with Mr. Larry David, playing a feisty onlooker on the set of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It was the first time in awhile that I've won the writing contest and the drinking contest back to back, but I'm pretty proud and excited to say, take that, world. I proved something to no one, except myself, and that is that I can still pound a beer and fashion a witty retort.

Being on the set of Curb Your Enthusiasm was a long and exhausting day, and just a totally amazing experience. We filmed in Harlem and pretended it was the Upper East Side. I met two new cool pals and I met Larry David! There were a lot of outrageous neighborhood peeps watching and participating in their own hilarious ways. I will be going back on Friday to finish the scene.

I am pretty excited about a few fun things coming up, specifically the terrific Skits'N'Tits at Bowery Poetry Club, NYC, next Wed. Aug 11th, and The Gong Show at BB King's next Thursday, August 12th. We will miss Diane a lot, this is the first Skits show I've ever done without her and only the 2nd show we've done not as a trio since I joined the show over a year ago. She may report via Skype, so there's a chance she may be there after all. We will also be wishing Shappy farewell and good luck as he relocates to another major city, and fare well to PBR as a show sponsor. So it will be a bittersweet show but full of fun and funny, as always.

In closing for this brief entry, check out my fashion column I wrote for the fabulous website, The Collared Sheep. And if you're up late tonight with a dark sky overhead, don't forget to look out for the Aurora Borealis, which experts are saying in a rare episode may be seen as south as New York City.

New Jokes & Beginning of a New Song

from Monday night, NYC Talent Show

The new song "Man Slave" got cut off but I'll post it on here in a few days...

WHAT'S UP

Monday, July 26

Monday Rendezvous

Bar on A, Ave A @ 11th

8 PM - no admission

free show, free cookies, happy hour cheap booze,

I don't want to hear any excuses, just go.

I present a new song every week in

"New Song Monday"

@ NYC Talent Show

Diane O'Debra & Victor Varnado host this fun show.

10 PM - $3

or watch live online

www.nyctalentshow.com

I'll be there wearing something cute. I'll put effort in to make sure I look good. I'll probably put on some lip gloss, tossle my hair romantically, and perhaps I'll even don some earring or a hat. Come and compliment me on how pretty I look, how funny my song was, how I should be the mother or god mother of your children. I'll be there, waiting for your generous sentiments.

Don't let me down.

TONIGHT:

Cringe Festival @ Producer's Club

8 PM

These are a whole bunch of "bad" plays -- plays about vaginas, butts, Hitler and what have you. Essentially, it's a festival practically made for me. I am the intermission musical guest for several nights of the festival. You can see the nights I'll be there to the right of this posting in "Upcoming Shows".

Speaking of shows,

SAVE THE DATES:

Wed Aug 9 - I'll be on the Keith & The Girl podcast @ 1 PM

Wed Aug 11 - The next SKITS'N'TITS

Sat Aug 26 - something good is happening, details TBA

Update on Gulf Doc:

I posted an update on the Gulf doc and our funds to the upper right hand corner of this blog. If you donated or were following the progress of the documentary, please read.

Something weird:

...happened to me the other day. (When does something weird not happen to me on any given day?) I was hanging out and the super's assistant of my building asked me to borrow $20. We have never really spoken, but he addressed me by name, and I didn't even know he knew my name. I said no, and scurried away. If I don't have $20 to spend on my own drug habit, I'm certainly not going to support someone else's. A little part of me really hoped that he was just $20 off from paying his rent, or from buying his girlfriend an engagement ring, or he really wanted to make a donation to his favorite charity. But my street sass & wit tells me otherwise.

Do you think I'm being asinine to assume he wanted the money to spend on drugs?

What do you think he wanted the money for?

Feel free to comment below...

Love,

PS: If you "LIKE" me, then please go and "LIKE" me HERE on FB

Life Update

like, in case you care or give a rat's hind quarters or whatever

Website update -- shows updated, bio updated, new header pic

Do you "LIKE" me? If so, then, "LIKE" me, please.

My "New songs / Song Of The Month" from last night:

* the 'newish' "I'm Italian & That's What We Do" &

* "Saving All My Love For You" cover, (originally by Whitney Houston)

click below to play, and watch EVERY MONDAY NIGHT @ 10:30 PM at

www.nyctalentshow.com or live at 308 Bowery @ Bleecker, NYC.

*To join the "Song of the Month" club, email jessdelfino at yahoo dot com

subject: Song of the Month, and get emails about new songs and my

new CD currently being recorded.

See you on the bright side of the poon

BACK TO BASICS

Huzzah! I can write on my blog again! I had to revert to the old editor, as per suggested by an anonymous tipster in the Google Blog Help stratosphere. I couldn't write for weeks. A blinking circular icon would just spin and spin, but wouldn't let me type anything. It's like my fingers have been freed! My blog is no longer enslaved to the cruel guards of cyberspace. Reunited and it feels so good.

A few quick things:

I'm working on a documentary about New Orleans and the Gulf oil geyser's effect on the people. We have raised nearly $3000 but need more money. We have to raise our budget of $6400 or we don't get to keep ANY of the money. Sucks to that. PLEASE consider donating a philanthropic chunk of funds to our important project. Thank you. Click below to see the project page. We have just 3 days to get the rest of the money. $1000 / day is not impossible!

http://kck.st/bsIqgm

This website thinks I'm pretty and funny. Comedians often hear they're funny and are celebrated for that, but not that they're HOT, TOO. Thanks over there FYHC. What does FYHC stand for? Click on the link and find out. I'm mostly flattered because I'm in AMAZING company beside Alison Becker, Zach Galifianakis and others...wow! Hot stuff.

Shows coming up on the daily, yo. Visit the schedule to the right to see what's coming up. And if you haven't already, JOIN MY FACEBOOK page to stay a breast (and a vagina) of what's going on. See ya round the tiny old world, peepers.

NEW LIVE VIDEO from "OUR SHOW"

with Elliot Aronow

filmed at Santos Party House, NYC

This video makes me miss my long hair a lot. But it's OK, it will grow back really fast, like head weeds. That is how my hair works. Trust me, I know. I've had it for a long time.

I cut my hair short once about 8 years ago and dyed it red -- my bf at the time said I looked like big bird. What a dick!

Elliot is a real sweetie pie and a cutie, too, laaaa-deeeez, and he apparently is "straight". He is a zippy dresser, he's funny and I'm going to guess Jewish, (which I consider to be a pro always) but I could be wrong, I don't really have great J-dar. He also runs a terrific website called RCRD LBL where you can get free music for frickin' free, including the mp3 of my song, "I Wanna Be Famous". You're welcome.

Speaking of "I Wanna Be Famous", this is a live version of my "homeless" joke and my song, "I Wanna Be Famous". Enjoy!

SONG OF THE MONTH NIGHT tonite

Monday @ Talent Show

New song -- watch Diane-osaur Egg O'Debra and Victor Varnado's www.nyctalentshow.com around 11 PM or come to 308 Bowery @ 10:30 PM to hear this historical musical event take place.

Obligatory whine / lecture: No one ever votes for my new songs! WTF?

Update: I'm recording a new album!! Elbow elbow huzzah!

DOWNLOAD: Jessica Delfino - I Wanna Be Famous

SONG OF THE MONTH

free mp3 brought to you by RCRD LBL

Happy Friday!

DOWNLOAD: Jessica Delfino - I Wanna Be Famous

Haunted Picnic @ NY Marble Cemetery, Dusk Vid Shoot, 

Tell Your Friends Wrap Party, 50 Best Jokes, 

It's been a pretty exciting past couple days around here. I'll try to keep it brief, which, warning, is not something that I do well. 

Monday, June 21st marked my 3rd year participating in Make Music New York which I celebrate by throwing an annual creepy but loveable Haunted Picnic at NY Marble Cemetery. It's located down that black wrought iron gate on 2nd Ave between 2nd and 3rd Sts, which is always closed. Normally reserved for junkies and the dead, we took it over from 3-7 PM. When I got there, there were a crowd of eager beavers waiting outside the gates to be let in, which made me really happy to see. It was a beautiful day, the summer solstice (as much as I try to avoid my hippiedom, it chases me down and hippifies me) and one of my guest's - Isaac Gut's birthday, who reminds me of a young Jackson Browne. All the performers were great - Tibbie X and Desmond, Kyle Thompson, Dr. Steamwhipple, I sang a few songs, we had a lovely drop-in aka Jennifer Blowdryer and the living were very appreciative of our Lady of Perpetual PMS's delicious home made food and being able to enjoy the gorgeous cemetery in picnic form. The music was acoustic only, caretaker Caroline says it's to protect the fragile stones of the cemetery, but I think it's to not wake the dead. 

Attendees watch Dr. Steamwhipple's classical crazy fingers

A sleeping picnic patron

Tibbie X and Desmond

The only scary thing that happened was when I had to pee -- the funeral home next door graciously let me borrow their bathroom, but I couldn't find the light! So I had to pee in the dark at a funeral home. Can anyone say horror movie plot? 

NY Press kind of covered it, but the journalist left before the party really started kickin'. In all fairness, the real party did get started kind of late, in true New York fashion. Parties even get started late in cemeteries in New York. 

The Haunted Picnic was so wonderful, we've decided to possibly do another one on the equinox in September, so keep your earballs out and I'll keep you posted. I believe it falls on Sept. 23rd but I'm not sure. 

Jennifer Blowdrywer

Isaac Gut

Yesterday, a group of my friends and I got together in a beautiful alley not far from my house and filmed the video for "Don't Rape Me", the song I play on a rape whistle. It was really terrific and I couldn't have asked for a better, more rape-y looking / ass kicking cast and crew. The backdrops and actors were so perfect. We smelled pee and tolerated vicious noise pollution to make this video. Here is a sneak peak at what the fruits of our hard work will turn into in the coming weeks. 

The guys in formation for their choreographed dance

After our shooting, we went back to my house and grabbed some food and relaxed for a bit. I then remembered my friends Victor Varnado and Liam McEneaney were having a wrap party for their concert film, "Tell Your Friends" which they shot at the Bell House. Myself and a few close pals dropped into the party, said congrats, had a few drinks (open bar!) and a slice of the amazing cakes that are always baked for Liam's shows. Lots of luck to them with this great new film, I'm sure you'll hear more about it soon. 

Tonight is Cogan / O'Donnell / Li 50 Best Jokes at 92Y. I'm going to be dropping a new piece of work on y'all and so I hope you can make it! It's an awesome show. More details here, get your tix in advance, there's a chance it will sell out cause it's that friggin' good.

TTYL birches.

TODAY!!

3^rd Annual HAUNTED PICNIC

Monday, June 21 * 4-7 PM

Come one, come all to the free HAUNTED PICNIC at the NY MARBLE CEMETERY, located at 41 ½ 2^nd Avenue between 2^nd & 3^rd Streets in Manhattan.

Every year, in celebration of the Make Music New York festival -- a city wide day of live music on the streets of all 5 boroughs -- and in honor of the deceased, musician JESSICA DELFINO presents an afternoon of picnic-snacks and performances on the lush green acre tucked down a hidden alley in the NY MARBLE CEMETERY. Oft sealed with a foreboding wrought iron gate, the cemetery is generally closed to the public, so the HAUNTED PICNIC is a great chance to visit this beautiful square of land, untouched by the hands of time (albeit surrounded by signs of it) and located right in the heart of the EAST VILLAGE. This event takes place RAIN or SHINE.

With a variety of musical guests playing guitar, ukulele and more -- acoustic only, to protect the fragile stones from loud vibrations -- home-made snacks, beverages and even flowering and berry bearing trees – all MUST HAVES for any HAUNTED PICNIC!

Attendees often wear white, bring blankets, books, their own snacks or simply a curious mind, lie back and listen to the music.

The NY MARBLE CEMETERY holds ancestors of New York City – ships captains, sea merchants and their families. No person can be lain to rest there unless they are a descendant of those who currently reside there. Our host and caretaker, Carolyn, is one such person, and she will be onsite to answer questions. The MARBLE CEMETERY is also used for events, such as weddings, parties and even movie sets. You can read more about the NY MARBLE CEMETERY here: www.marblecemetery.org.

This event is OPEN TO THE PUBLIC and fun for the whole family. Bring granny and the kids! Admission is FREE, snacks and beverages are on sale for modest prices, or bring your own, but please NO GLASS ALLOWED in the cemetery. We do hope to see you there MONDAY JUNE 21^st from 4-7 PM!

FOR MORE INFORMATION: 

JESSICA DELFINO

jessdelfino@yahoo.com

www.jessicadelfino.com

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

www.makemusicny.com

www.marblecemetery.org

ABOUT THE MUSICAL GUESTS:

Tibbie X and Kenny Young of X-Possibles sing rockin-Zombie-blues

Kyle Thompson sings wily-emo indie songs

The Pride of the Lower East Side recants spooky spoken historical stories, accompanied by Sam from Wombat in Combat/Team Spider

Lady charmer Isaac Gut plays and sings like a young Jackson Browne

Dr. Steamwhipple will amaze you with his classical guitar stylings and his fire fingers

Jessica Delfino presents a rare all-ages set of folk music "gone wrong", including songs about unicorns and what not, played on guitar, ukulele and electronic autoharp (Q-chord)

..and some other special drop-in (living) guests!

STREETVENDOR PRODUCTIONS presents: 

Jessica Delfino & some pals 

THIS FRIDAY NIGHT

8:30 PM

Gershwin Hotel

7 E. 27th St. btw 5th & Broadway

What are you doing this Friday night around 8:30? I have the perfect suggestion...

Dirty & obnoxious, yet irresistibly lovable icky guitar and ukulele jams by Jessica Delfino & Ben Lerman (longish sets), stand up comedy by the devilishly, delightfully demented Jena Friedman and witty, playful Jordan Ferber. Emceed by the handsome and clever Clayton Gumbert. 

It's $15 at the door or if you click THIS LINK RIGHT HERE and confirm (facebook invite) tickets are $10. 

Drinks served by a live human person in the adorable room that looks straight out of Being John Malkovich. 

See you there, rabies and dental dams.

TODAY: Figment Festival on Governor's Island

2:30 - 3:30 at Admiral's House

I will be doing a performance at the Figment Festival today, Friday, 2:30 - 3:30 on Governor's Island at the Admiral's House. If you've never been to Governor's Island, this is the perfect opportunity for you to check it out. There is a free ferry that goes about every half hour, leaving from the boat dock right NEXT to the Staten Island Ferry depot. It's to the LEFT in a quaint building, and there will probably be a line to get on it. You can bring your BIKE (recommended) and explore all the great art which will be all over the island. This festival is completely FREE. Bring a picnic, a friend, a pal you like to kiss, a discreet bottle, some smokey smokey or whatever else you like to bring with you when you venture to boutique islands, and check out the festival. ALL WEEKEND. 

However, my performance will be TODAY, 2:30 - 3:30 PM. But you'll probably be working then -- "get sick" and leave early -- you will really thank me for insisting you head out to Governor's Island on what is guaranteed to be a really lovely afternoon. 

Pick up a map and look for me at THE ADMIRAL'S HOUSE. My project is called, "Love In Absentia" and is about what happens when love takes a trip across the sea for a few months, leaving important things at home. 

PS -- You can bring YOUR art, if it's easy enough to transport, and join in the festival. More information about FIGMENT can be found right HERE.

Skits'N'Tits B-day + "The Room" edition TONITE,

A little press in a zebra dress & NPR's Hidden World of Girls

I did this interview with Nabewise a few weeks ago, I love the idea for the site (it's all about the different neighborhoods in big cities and who / what makes them tick). Check it out HERE.

And tonight is Skits'N'Tits with new sketches, comedy, burlesque, birthday cake (my forever 21 bday was yesterday), a screening of cult hit film The Room at midnight (we will provide spoons), 2 for 1 PBRs (that's 2 PBRs for $3!!), great raffle prizes from Kong Magazine (a free membership), PBR and a hat made by burlesque whiz Little Stormy. 

This is going to be a great show and it's kicking off at 10 PM tonight at 308 Bowery. Don't miss it!

$8 at the door. Get there early for a good seat. See you then and there! Please no presents, JUST BRING YOU.

Finally, NPR's "Hidden World of Girls" is a great show and I'm glad to have been a part of it. Learn more about it and hear my story HERE.

JD on NPR's Morning Edition, 

and I'm quoted on www.MichaelMoore.com

I was quoted on www.MichaelMoore.com today via an interview I did a few days ago with Associated Press at the BP oil protest on Houston Street. 

I never wanted to "be" an activist, an artist, a dirty mouthed folk musician. These were all ideas that chose me. When I was a little girl, I had a dream of driving a white BMW with beige interior -- it was a shared fantasy my wealthier girlfriends had planted into my head. I didn't know how I'd get this BMW, I guess I figured when it came time for me to drive it, it'd just drop out of the sky with a giant bow wrapped around it, like where babies might as well come from in any dumb kid's head. 

I grew up in a cave called the state of Maine, and was sheltered enough to avoid politics, activism and everything else -- bagels, gays, sushi and more. I had no idea that these things even existed until I moved to NYC. Here, the hypocrisy and dealings in regards to politics that I experienced made me physically ill. I vowed to avoid politics and lie low in regards to activism, because it reminded me of everything that was wrong with human beings.

The assault on the ocean has made it impossible for me to do that. I realize I'm blessed with a big mouth, and lucky to have a good enough brain to implement this yap of mine. I was raised near the ocean and spent my life on the water. I'm a dolphin, I value the ocean immensely, and my new dream is to live on a beautiful paradise island, someday -- one that oil doesn't wash up onto the shore of. To me, the ocean holds much magic, and as you may have gathered, magic is something that has much meaning and metaphor in my life. 

Unfortunately, my power isn't that great yet -- but I don't care. If power was measured in iotas and I had one iota of power, I will use every scintilla of that iota to do what I can. I'd also like to hear about what you've done, or what you're doing, and how I can help. 

Oh yeah, and this Thursday, I'll be on NPR's Morning Edition. I forgot what my message sounds like, so let's just hope I didn't say anything too utterly embarrassing. However, when you're me, it's kind of hard to get embarrassed :)