HOLIDAY FUN TIMES AHEAD

TOMORROW NIGHT AT UCB:

HOLIDAY DAZZLES WITH YULE LOG!

Featuring:

Ann Carr & Adira Amram as Randy the Red Balled Reindeer and Square Snowman! (obviously, not to be missed) Carolyn Castiglia, Matt McCarthy, Katina Corrao perform O Holy Night! (in their own special way) Matt McCarthy as Good Old Santa Claus!

Glennis, Eliza, Shockwave create musical magic!
Red Hot Funny Lady Jessica Delfino!
Neo-Futurists!

THIS Friday night! 8 pm! $5!

UCB Theatre * 307 W. 26th St (at 8th Ave)




AND STARTING FRIDAY:



CEST DUCKIE!!!

NO NAME & A BAG OF CHIPS!!!

TONITE!!

@

THE TANK
(279 Church St. NYC)

7:30 PM

FREE...

lots of performers, free door prizes, cheap booze, fun times

See you there

JESSICA DELFINO WORLD PREMIERE NEW SONGS!!!!

These are some ROUGH DEMOS which will be on my new CD out on Loudmouth Records, 2008.
When you're done checking them out, visit the rest of the website by my creative french friend and fan, Florent. Please keep in mind that these are ROUGH DEMOS and that means that these are PRE-STUDIO, that means they were crappily recorded by me in my home studio so I could SHOW them to the label so that they would be able to hear my idea of the song. On the CD we're gonna mix a little bit of magic in there you're going to shake and quake with amazement.

Here is proof that I'm actually working on my new CD - see me toiling diligently in the Loudmouth Studio?



It's not just bullshit. I'm actually WORKING on this CD! For you!

HEAR ROUGH DEMOS HERE

VISIT THE REST OF MY WEBSITE, jessicadelfino.com HERE

And to read about my tour with Ben Lerman, visit his website HERE!



We had lots of fun on the road, and he documented the trip with great photos of us and our adventures and the adjoining stories right on the FRONT PAGE of his site. That kid's got his shit together!



For the record, Nashville, (that mean, cranky city full of mean, religious gays who think that god loves them when he does not) can kiss my ass!



AND DON'T FORGET TO COME AND SEE THE BIG VAGINAPALOOZA SHOW!!!

featuring:
Adira Amram - www.adiraamram.com
Gina Vetro - myspace.com/ginavetro
Magin Schantz - myspace.com/hotbloodproductions
Dame Darcy - www.damedarcy.com
and me! - myspace.com/jessydelfino

VAGINAPALOOZA is part of Groove MaMa Ink’s Wonder Women Week
All shows are at:
Center Stage
48 West 21st Street (4th floor)
New York, NY
$15

We've got a great show in store for you, so do try to get your ass out to see it!

DO YOU LIKE WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK??

I do. I've spent lots of time in that park, bull-shitting around, busking (that's -- playing my guitar for passer's change), hanging out with friends, people watching, lounging, snacking, drinking in the grass, kissing boys, or I guess more accurately, boy, watching parades and events, oogling over NYU gents, watching performances and in general, basking in the beauty and the history that is Washington Square Park.

Some big changes are about to be made to the park that are going to render it incapacitated for many years. My friend Matt Davis, who produced my "My Pussy Is Magic" video has been documenting the Washington Square Park hearings and related ordeal and has spent a lot of time researching the m.o. and meaning of the remodeling of the park.

Apparently, if you're interested in getting involved with keeping the park the way it is, this may be your last chance. Read on if you are and / or watch this video clip:

Youtube Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJrUyRqWcvw

From an email from Matt Davis:

The Parks Dept. is erecting a construction fence, about to have its way with Washington Square Park. In order to achieve a new alignment with Fifth Ave., they will move the fountain (and surrounding plaza) 22 feet east of the park's central axis, where it has stood for 138 years.

Whatever the motive for this aerial symmetry, effects felt on the ground will include:

1) Closing at least half of the park for years to come, beginning with the Fountain Theater,

2) Erasing the amphitheatre aspect of the plaza, and reducing it more than 20%, crowding park users and performers into one another, or out of the soon-to-be street-level pedestrian passage.

and

3) Cutting down the ring of 8 mature shade trees, replacing them with trees of six inch diameter ... not even as thick as many of the existing trees' branches.

But the outcome is not decided. Read the newest developments below, and if you want to hold your public officials to their word, let them know you're paying attention by phoning them.

BEGIN FORWARDED MESSAGE:

Concerned New Yorkers Please Call TODAY--and spread the word:

Comptroller William: Thompson 212-669-3450

Council Member Alan Gerson: 212-788-7722

Council Speaker Christine Quinn Grey Elam and Kate Seely-Kirk 212-564-7757

Just as the Parks Dept begins construction on the unpopular redesign of Wash Sq Park, a new study by the top building conservation authority in New York, posted at www.openwsp.com, concludes that Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe deceived the New York City Council when he stated, in Council budget hearings, that it would cost no more to move the park?s historic fountain than to keep it where it is.

In fact, the study, by the prestigious Building Conservation Association (more info about them at http://www.bcausa.com/portfolio.htm) concludes, it will cost taxpayers an additional $508,000 to move the fountain.

The operative paragraph of the study is on the Executive summary, second page (after title page) last paragraph. The study shows that $508,000 of the $2,500,000 total cost of restoring the fountain is associated with moving the fountain, not repairing and restoring it. This has to do with demolishing the perfectly good existing foundation and building a new one, as well as unnecessarily moving every piece of the fountain offsite.

In a letter to Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe dated August 6, 2007 (also on www.openwsp.com), City Council Speaker Christine Quinn and Council Member Alan Gerson's wrote:

"We expect to see the documents after bids are received to confirm that there is no more than a negligible cost to moving the fountain. In the meantime, we will hold you to your City Council testimony dated June 6, 2006 (see attached) that there is no significant cost differential. Should it be otherwise we would oppose moving the fountain."

To this day, the Parks Department has refused to provide any documents pertaining to its deceptive claim, which was used to secure city funding for this project.

As a result, the Open Washington Square Park Coalition calls upon Comptroller William Thompson to investigate the deliberate misrepresentation with which the Parks Dept received taxpayer funding for this unpopular redesign scheme for Washington Square Park and to use the subpoena powers of his office to investigate a suspicious pattern of circumstances which have led Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe and his subordinates to repeatedly deceive the New York City Council, the Community Board, and the public.

In addition, we call upon New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn and Council Member Alan Gerson to stand behind their public letter of August 6, 2007 to Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe, and withhold capital funding for the Parks Department until it is willing to disclose and submit for approval a true budget and plan for Washington Square Park.

NEW VIDEO!!

This video is made for my song, "SUDDEN CHANGE" and is by ELIJAH ATKINS.

Please give me some feedback on this, friends, fans, foes...!



And if you are an animator and think you can do better or want to try to do your own song, let me know. I have lots of songs that need animating! Email me at jessdelfino at yahoo dot com for more details.

CAN YOU PASS THE PODCAST?

Sure, no problem.

This is a podcast with NYTHEATER.COM featuring Groovemama's Kara Tyler, Bricken Sparacino, Samantha Jones and me, Jessica Delfino, talking about the upcoming WONDER WOMEN WEEK and my special night in the festival, entitled VAGINAPALOOZA.

Check it out! My piece is towards the 3/4 mark and features me playing a new song on my flying V ukelele (or the V-kelele).

HERE IS THE POD CAST LINK

DON'T FORGET TO ATTEND VAGINAPALOOZA
and the other shows of Wonder Women Week
DEC 15th
9:30 PM
$15

with Adira Amram
Dame Darcy
Gina Vetro
Magin Schantz
Jessica Delfino

HOT! AWESOME! GREAT! BABES! TALENT! WIZARDRY! SUPER!

And if you are a beautiful woman and / or you have a full, unopened bottle of booze with you (that's the price of admission according to the host), we will bring you to an amazing party afterwards.

A COUPLE FUN MUSIC VIDEOS FOR YOUR ASSES

Slightly Buzzed, a new show at Rififi with Stuckey & Murray and John Friedman has this accompanying "Name Dropping" video featuring tons of notables from the NYC comedy scene -- and also "name drops" CXB which I think is...(this sentence is unfinishable)

Enjoy!



And...

Here's another great video which I always love to watch, featuring Sweet D, one of my favies. He's funny, he's cute, and apparently, he has so much "booty on his tip" he has to "regulate" it...This video is seriously high end, as is Jason "Sweet D" Muhlberger. Hot! Hot! Hot! A perennial summer jam!

EXCITING NEWS!!



"What Would Jesus Buy?" featuring Reverend Billy and The Stop Shopping Choir, produced by "Super Size Me"'s Morgan Spurlock is now OUT! You can see it at many theaters across the US. To learn more, visit the WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY WEBSITE. And this is pretty exciting: the lyrics to the songs in the caroling scene were penned by one Ms. Jessica Delfino!

Here's a video segment from WGN morning news show featuring a brief clip of a song from said caroling scene and an interview with Reverend Billy in all his glory. The song they used here isn't one of my faves, I mean, it's no "Walmart You A Macy's Christmas (& A K-Mart New Year") but I'm pretty excited by this, just the same.



Go see this movie! In addition to being very funny and inspiring, you seeing this film helps me to not have to eat government cheese. I mean, don't get me wrong. Mmmm! Government cheese! But, uh, I'd rather not eat it if I don't have to.

Delfino is headed to mainstreamsville! Just kidding, that will never happen. There are too many vaginas in my songs. Come see for yourself. Your next chance is December 15th, 10 PM in NYC:

VAGINAPALOOZA

featuring:
Adira Amram - www.adiraamram.com
Gina Vetro - myspace.com/ginavetro
Magin Schantz - myspace.com/hotbloodproductions
Dame Darcy - www.damedarcy.com
and me! - myspace.com/jessydelfino

VAGINAPALOOZA is part of Groove MaMa Ink’s Wonder Women Week
All shows are at:
Center Stage
48 West 21st Street (4th floor)
New York, NY
$15

This isn't going to just be some "women's comedy show", it's going to be an awesome show. I hand-picked every person on this bill and they are all so fucking hot and talented that I just used fucking as an adjective.

Wonder Women Week shows run Dec. 11th - 17th!

For more info, visit: www.groovemamaink.com

I'M NOT THE ONLY SINGING DELFINO OUT THERE

Check out THIS guy!!! He's my new hero.

MAKING UP WITH MAC

I went to art school in Philadelphia. I studied computer animation. At the time, Macintosh computers were all the rage for animation purposes. I liked Macs. They were cool. They were different than the clunky, calculator looking PCs. Unfortunately, they also caused a lot of problems for me. Hours and hours of work lost; classes failed; files corrupted. It happened over and over again. I swore off Macs one cold day in January when I tried to open a very important file for a final I had and all I got was a blinking smiley computer for about an hour on three different computers. Never again, I said, will I use a Mac. Macs can go fuck themselves. Hard. Roughly. With no protection. I hoped Macs everywhere got AIDS.

Not to mention, Mac reminds me of McDonald's, a horrible corporation I swore off a dozen years before Super Size Me. I hope McDonald's also gets AIDS, for different, but in some ways, similar reasons.

So, it's pretty interesting that I'm sitting here typing away on a new MacBook. It's one of those white jobbies that looks like a delicious bar of soap -- or maybe white chocolate -- you can't tell by looking at it, you have to smell it and maybe even break a chunk off into your fingernail and take a risk and taste it. Mmmmm. Chocolate flavored soap.

Using this computer is like driving a BMW -- I would know -- I've taken one for a test drive. It rides smoothly, this little box. It purrs so silently, I keep having to check it's heartbeat to make sure it's alive.

But I shouldn't get too excited yet.

You know how it is when you get a new love. At first, it's all cherry blossoms and down comforters. Everything is a lemon popsicle, lace trimmings are abound. You could just stare at each other for hours, though you never do. But slowly, things start to get weird. You start noticing things. And that's when the trouble starts. So, I'm going to really to just enjoy this time when everything is new and sparkly, where I still love the whiteness and everything is clean and friendly.

Mac, I'm sorry for hating you so hard. I forgive you for that "F" I got. Let's have a new go at it and see how long this friendship lasts!

ANOTHER VERY SPECIAL PUSSY

This is what I've become. That girl who blogs about cats. But this cat is worth mentioning. First of all, I am a serious cat lady. I had cats my whole life. I have seen them be born, die, and everything in between. My first cat, Rags, got hit by a car right before my very ten year old eyes. My last cat, Clementine, a descendant of Rags, lived to be 24. I don't have a cat now because my apartment is too small and I'm never home. But if I did have a cat, I'd get one of those asshole pet purses and stick that thing in it and carry it around with me everywhere I went. And I'd put it in my act. It seems appropriate.

This morning, I got treated to this adorable video of a very cute, friendly, obedient, awesome indy yuppie kitty named "Furgazi". I watched it three times in a row and laughed every time. Read the little blurb first, it sets up the video really nicely.

It makes me want to get a kitty and find a space in my tiny, crammed apartment to fit it. But I love kitties too much to do that. Maybe I'll just settle for a baby instead.

Now, treat yourself!

A short story about Furgazi: (as featured in Wooooo Mag's "Cat Of The Week")

http://www.wooooomag.com/

And the video:

http://www.wooooomag.net/fugazi.mov

SAMPLE SALE

My friend Sine has a great sample sale in TriBeCa. The clothes she sells are so beautiful. I wear a lot of them on stage and her designs are some of my favorite articles of clothing. They are the ones that I get the most compliments on of all my clothes. And I have a LOT of clothes.

If you would like to get some great deals on some lovely clothes, stop by Sine's sample sale. Coats, dresses, scarves, knits, accessories, handbags. Sine's clothes are sharp, sexy and sophisticated. She accepts credit cards too!

Go visit her lovely showroom, have a glass of wine and try on some clothes in a comfortable, laid back environment. Tell her Jessica sent you for an extra discount...

Sizes 2 - 12

Prices start at $10 and go up!

Sineh D Designer Showrom
151 Hudson Street (corner of Hubert)
Suite 3F
Tribeca

Nov. 10 - Dec. 14 -- every day, 11 am - 6 pm

212-431-4840
www.sinehd.com

DELFINO'S DIATRIBE
NOVEMBER, 2007

Hello out there beautiful, ugly world, you old juxtaposition, you.

It's been a while since I've diatribed, but then again, it's been awhile since I've done a lot of things. I'm writing today with some, um, "exciting!" news. In this issue you'll find info about Morgan Spurlock's new documentary, a sample sale in Tribeca, my new website, upcoming shows and MORE.

I'll start off with my loveable diatribe and move on to news items.

NOVEMBER'S DIATRIBE:

This is going to be a long one, because right now, I've got nothing to complain about. I don't know what happened. Maybe it's all the spirulina or the kombucha I've been drinking. Maybe it's the new Whole Foods grocery store located just blocks away from my lower east side residence, stocked with every kind of fancy natural remedy you can think of. I've been trying them all. ALL, I say. Sometimes I mix them together in a soup like concoction, not unlike the combo from the days of my youth, when I would lock myself in the bathroom and play scientist, where I mixed shampoo, perfume, bleach, ammonia and everything else I could find together into a cup, until my parents busted down the door and punched me in the ass repeatedly for putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation. Maybe it's the weekly therapy session I've been attending for about a year, now. What I'm trying to say is, I DON'T KNOW. But my mind is like one of those chocolate cadbury eggs that you unwrap and suck all that white shit out of, leaving just the hollow shell to slowly nibble on until your fingers are covered in a sticky, slimy residue that you then suck off of each finger. Then you shake someone's hand later, but your hands aren't really dirty any more, and even if they were, the person who's hand you shook wouldn't know that their palms were covered in your mouth goo, anyway.

This kind of relaxed mind-set is not good for my business. It's certainly not good for my diatribes. My diatribes are fueled by ANGER! POVERTY! DEPRESSION! Right now, I'm not feeling any of those things. Don't worry, THEY'LL BE BACK. As far as poverty is concerned, I'm not overnight rich or anything, but the buddhist website I've been reading has helped me to appreciate what I DO have, MAN.

I've also been collecting some new, interesting instruments which have made me feel pretty cheery. So, for the remainder of my diatribe, I'll just talk about my new instrumental acquisitions, which are important and relevant to my line of work, which is vagina ditties. I got a new flying V ukelele in Scotland which is the most beautiful little thing I've ever held. It's even prettier than a baby or a kitten, and much cleaner and just all around better. When I take it outside, people RUN up to me on the street, and I get scared because I think they are going to attack me, (I prepare by getting out my rape whistle and getting poised to play my anti-rape song) but then they just excitedly scream, "WHAT IS THAT THING?" and "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" and "IS THAT A FLYING V UKELELE?" and "OH MY GOD, CAN I SEE YOUR TINY GUITAR?" It has happened no less than ten times so far, and I can understand why. Every time I see it, I do that. On the buddhist website, it says you're not supposed to cherish physical belongings. But "f" that. Just looking at this thing makes me happy, ge-od de-amn it, and that's more than I can say about any of you shit for necks.

Also, recently, to get away from the hustle and bustle of love lost, I took a trip with dear, deary pal out into the outer world of ruralsville. There, my pal's parents treated me like a crimson queen, offering food and drink to me with a limitlessness reserved for royalty, celebrity, or politicy. I slept in a very firm bed (which I like) with about four comforters draped over me, like the princess and the pea, while a HARP watched guard over me while I dreamed about cupcakes and sugar factories. We spent the days walking and wiffling through the lovely wood, playing with an adorable puppy, tinkling the ivories, (a piano is a luxury that I don't have the space to afford) discussing new age themes, considering ways to get rich quick while we dined on ginger cookies, and otherwise engaged in a variety of assorted gluttonous uses of time.

As I was leaving, my parting gift was a Q-chord, an electronic auto-harp which was certainly invented by a direct ancestor of Stevie Nicks, or someone who comes from a long line of witches. It is a beautiful, magical instrument that makes me feel like a coven caretaker when I play it. I can't wait to write some filthy ballads on it to share with you all, once I learn how to play it. It is really the nicest gifty-gift (you know, besides like, love, or a heart-felt compliment) I think I've ever received, and if I had anything to diatribe about at all, the Q-chord removed any shred of it's existence from my life.

Unfortunately for you, I'm much funnier when I'm angry. But fortunately for you, my temper rages and my attitude is generally so bad that I am never happy for more than a few days or a week, at most. So, hopefully, when it's time for the next Diatribe to roll off my fingertips, I'll be hell-bent on tearing someone a brand new asshole.

Until next time,
Ms. Delfino's Diatribe

AND NOW, onto the greener pastures of the news. Let's start off with this little gem of a treat of a cupcake:

WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?

Morgan "Super Size Me" Spurlock's newest documentary is coming OUT this FRIDAY, and I don't mean in a gay way. I mean, in a Cinema Village way. The documentary, entitled, "What Would Jesus Buy?" stars Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Choir as they travel across the USA to save the multitudes of thick, fat Americans from the commercialization of Christmas. I am very excited and proud to say that I wrote a few of the songs featured in this film. You can hear them during the Christmas Caroling scene in the movie, when the Stop Shopping Choir goes door to door singing lyrics that I penned! It's a terrific scene and very funny. I do encourage you all to go and see the film THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 16th.

There will be a special Q & A after the 7:05 and the 9:20 PM showings where Morgan Spurlock and Reverend Billy will be on hand to hand-resolve all your pressing concerns and inquiries.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16
Cinema Village
22 East 12th Street
New York, NY 10013
212-924-3363

Visit the website:

www.wwjbmovie.com

AND ALSO ON FRIDAY:

Thank Cock It's Friday!

Cock Lorge is at it again with his raunchy musical party-time show at Piano's, feauring Seth Herzog, Dan Asselin, Georgia Haege, and myself, Jessica Delfino.

THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 16th
PIANOS
158 Ludlow Street
(at Stanton St.) NYC
7:30 PM

But that's not all. I've got lots of fun funny shows coming up. So don't miss this long list of wonderous times to come, as we kick off this collection of future shows with:

ANOTHER TERRIFIC SHOW THIS SATURDAY, in BROOKLYN, a place I rarely play:

Saturday Nov. 17th
Ed Schmidt's Dumbolio Monthly Variety Show
with Ed Schmidt, Corey Dargel, Lisa Levy, N.Y. Footbag Allstars, Josh Max, Scott Korb
Powerhouse Arena
37 Main St.,
Dumbo, Brooklyn, NYC
8 PM
$20 tix at www.smarttix.com
www.dumbolio.com

AND ON SUNDAY, come BUY SOME SHIT in TRIBECA:

My friend is having a sample sale at her snazzy Tribeca showroom featuring free wine and light snacks. The clothes she carries are from Denmark, and they are really beautiful -- they are the fittings of a princess-rock star, with fancy trimmings, yet they are also sleek and very hot. Many of her pieces are sold at Bergdorf Goodman and Barneys and are shown in Lucky Magazine. But here you can get them for cheapity cheap cheap, with some items (like the beautiful black cape-let I got) starting at $10, and of course, going up into the hundreds. All sizes.

THIS SUNDAY
Sineh d Designer Showroom
151 Hudson St. (corner of Hubert) Suite 3F
11 am - 6 pm

AND THIS MONDAY, another Brooklyn show:

Monday Nov. 19th
Jen Is Famous Comedy Show
Pete's Candy Store
Lorimer Street
Brooklyn, NY
7:30 PM
FREE
www.jenisfamous.com

AND ON TUESDAY, see "MY PUSSY IS MAGIC" on the BIG SCREEN, with the Happy Corp's video ensemble:

Tuesday Nov. 20th
Jessica Delfino Is Magic
Anthology Film Archives
corner of 2nd St and 2nd Ave
more info:
www.thehappycorp.com

SUPPORT BEN LERMAN'S new CD and "Ukelear Winter" tour!

www.benlerman.net

I'll be joining him in some of the shows on the tour, such as Nashville and Pittsburgh. Yeahaahhhahhh.

HANG with the VAG CREW at Vaginapalooza!!!
as part of the upcoming Wonder Woman Week Festival, Dec. 11 - 16th:

Saturday December 15th
Vaginapalooza
@ Center Stage 48 West 21st Street, 4th Floor, Buzzer #7
New York, NY 10010
9:30 PM

and see the full line-up for Wonder Woman Week in Flavorpill.net and more details
at Groovemama.com.

with Gina Vetro, Magin Schantz, Adira Amram, Dame Darcy & me, Jessica Delfino.

C'EST DUCKIE

This is a show I booked while I was in London, when I played to a very gay crowd of 300 or so very gay men at a very gay club. Guess how I was dressed? In my RED SUIT, like the Santa Claus gay-looking bitch I wish I never was. Very gay, indeed. This show will be at the CSV for much of December and some of January, and features Taylor Mac, Julie Atlas Muz and a bunch of other studded, starred stars and studs. You can see me in the show on these dates:

Friday December 21st
Monday December 24th
Wednesday December 26th
Thursday December 27th
Friday December 28th
Saturday December 29th
Sunday December 30th
Monday December 31st

C'est Duckie
CSV (produced by PS122)
107 Suffolk Street between Rivington & Delancey
with Taylor Mac, Julie Atlas Muz and many more...

Come visit my spaces:

NEWS and VIDEOS: www.myspace.com/jessydelfino
SONGS: www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes

I never did get around to sending out my UK tour journal and photos, but if you really care, check my blog sometime, and it will be up there, one of these days. You can also see my Delfino's Diatribe in it's entirety there.

www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com

AND FINALLY, the last piece of exciting news in this diatribe:

MY NEW WEBSITE IS UP!!!

Thanks very, very much to my wonderful friend and webmaster, Florent, from France, who made this website WITH HIS HANDS!!!

www.jessicadelfino.com

Get a monthly Diatribe!

email: jessdelfino@yahoo.com

TONITE...

Come see how I perform under distress!

WWJD?

What would Jesus do if he found out that the love of his life, his live-in, somewhat tumultuous on-again, off-again love had been engaging in a long and short distance relationship with someone who had performed sexual favors for them at K-Mart? What would he do with explicit pornographic photos that he had stumbled upon, verbose sexual ramblings and pitiful erotica?

What would Jesus do?

I know what Jessica Delfino would do. She would send the emails to the girl's fiance, post them and the photos on her blog and move out of her apartment.

I don't want to be like that, though.

I'm not Jesus, but I'm not going to behave as pathetically as the two people who hurt me, either.

That being said, I'm going to spend the next week relaxing and taking care of myself. I'm going to swim, like the dolphin that I am and I'm going to go get a chinese back rub. I'm going to hang out with my friends and people who I know care about me. And I'm going to let the cool winds of change blow some new adventures into my life.

ALL ABOUT ME

When I started this blog four or five years ago (seems like just yesterday!) I began it with the intention of writing every day so that I could become the best writer in the world, or at least good enough to write one damn stinkin' book, if I did nothing else with my life, ever. I used to write little stories and poems a lot, mostly when I had day jobs, because I hated working at those lame temp jobs and it was really thrilling to be getting paid to write entries on my blog (when I should have been filing) to show the man he couldn't hold me down forever!

Another thing I always used to do on my blog was write very revealing stories about ME. What I was doing, what I was going to do, what I was working on, what a dick my boyfriend was, how much my life sucked, and on and boring on.

I haven't really been writing on my blog lately, because I bored myself off of it. I have mostly just been using it to post show flyers and comedy related tid-bits, which is just as boring, but a lot less divulging. Which is bad for the reader, but good for the readee.

But another thing I realized with the now nearing a million views of my FAMOUS video was that I like my anonymity, actually, or what is left of it. No one knows who I am, except for those 800,000 youtube watchers, and those people only exist on the internet. And I like that. I don't really want to lose that. Can you imagine having to fight off the paparazzi every time you stepped out the door to pick up a grande latte? And what about having to wear underwear or else your crotch would be some dude in Ohio's screen saver? I don't want to live in that world.

I'm not rich or famous, though maybe I will be someday. I may not be writing as much on my blog as I used to, and I may not be revealing as much personal information as I used to (did you ever really give a shit anyway?) But regardless, I promise to continue writing the most ribald dirty folk rock songs I can muster, and I promise, no matter how famous I get or don't get, to never wear underwear. I believe the beaver should be free! Just like this blog -- of embarrassing details of my life.

Maybe that means I'm growing up?

Ughh, gross.

THIS MONDAY, 8:30 PM

Come to A Night of Wonderment at Castle Verde, featuring Gina Vetro, Magin Schantz, Bilge Baron, The Gargoyles (Rob Bose and Arik aka "Juggernut"), Rosie Rebel and YOU! At the new lovely Green Room Theater, 45 Bleecker Street at Lafayette. Tickets are $12 but you can get them for $6 with this fancy code:

"Two for one tickets available with code 8T2FOR1 at door or online."
You can see all four shows at the theater that night for $6!

This is my Halloween extravaganza show featuring Bilge Baron, who has been awoken from a scary spell by a ghoulish gurgley man. She must entertain and fellate him daily if she wants to keep the spell from returning - or find someone to take her place! Maybe it will be you? Bring your spooky act to audition for the part of gurgley man fellater / entertainer!! Now, doesn't that sound like fun?

More Info:

http://off-book.com/the8track/oct22flyer.jpg

JESSICA DELFINO IN A COUTURE BATTLE! THIS THURSDAY!

I always loved couture as a young sassmouth in small town America where I spent many an afternoon being babysat by the most recent issue of ELLE, Seventeen (which my dad wouldn't let me read til I was Seventeen because "I wasn't 17", JANE and VOGUE. I would then put it down and put on my flannel. Well, things have changed and I don't have to wear flannel anymore -- unless I want to! But I still love that crazy couture all those skinny hags would model, hanging off their meatless bones like a tent hanging on a tree branch.

Now the time has come for me to experience couture first hand.

Two Questions:

1. Do you love crass couture and feral fashion?

2. Do you love Jessica Delfino?

If so, you shouldn't miss this show that I'm performing/competing in. It's a fashion battle called "Style Wars". Contestants (8 groups of us of whom were hand-picked for a combo platter of performance-y type spirit meets erratic sense of fashion) will fight to the DEATH in a three round power house clothes-off!

In my corner, I am very proud to have on my fighting team Ji-won Li and Magin Schantz, two fearless scissor toting bitches who will sew our opulent opponents a new dress hole! There is cash money at stake and some serious glitz to be garnered. I'm in this to win this!

Here is more information about the show, which is THIS SATURDAY, OCT 13th at 10 PM at Don Hill. This isn't going to be a Calvin Klein cat walk, NO! This is going to be a scathing, high-energy madhouse, replete with antics, tricks, cliques, shticks, pricks, musics and kicks. Present will be the paparazzi, the press and celebrity guests, so dress to impress! If you plan to attend and would like to be on team "a few tricks up her tightly tailored sleeves" Delfino, email me and let me know! I could use a few more good women and men and I have some planzzz.

SHOW DETAILS:

(From Flavorpill.net):

House of Diehl presents Style Wars: The Style Battle Championships

when: Sat 10.13 (10pm)
where: Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, 212.219.2850) map
price: $12 / $8 advance
links: houseofdiehl.com

Feeling that the hip-hop set shouldn't have all the fun, House of Diehl is staging a battle tour — for couture. Aspiring designers go head-to-head with minimal materials, audience members as models, and DJs Druzzi & Mattie (Throne of Blood/the Rapture) and the Ruff Kids shredding the decks. A panel of celebrity judges — including Mick Rock, Casey Spooner, Princess Superstar, and Whitney Museum curator Shamim Momin — decides who earns a handsome cash prize and goes on to the grand finale, set for later in the year. Sit back and watch as Project Runway-style competition plays out live and gets unruly. (RB)

Note: Be on the lookout for Flavorpill spot-rockers Justin and Myla, who'll be taking shots for the photo gallery on our recent events page.

Oooh, oooh, and here's another something fun...

SOMETHING FUN

It's T-Top Trans Am! starring Ben Lerman, Diane O'Debra and others...don't forget to rate it and pass it on, god dammit all to hell

HERE'S SOMETHING FUN!

(Click on the above HERE'S SOMETHING FUN! to see something fun)
(If you must know in advance, it's a video starring one Mr. Reggie "Who Doesn't Love This Guy" Watts called "What About Blowjobs?")

And guess who the freaky green alien girl from the future is? Just guess! No, guess! I'm not going to tell you! You have to guess!

And in other news, tonight is your last chance to see HOT BLOOD, the coolest show on the face of the planet.

VORTEX THEATER
11th Ave bet. 22nd and 23rd Streets
It's the only thing on that block besides UHAUL
(across the highway from Chelsea Piers)
Delicious bloody marys & sangria available for cheap-y
$15 for the show experience of your life
Very inspiring show, really!!
8 PM - do not miss it!

TONITE IS THE NITE!!

Hot Blood Cabaret
Vortex Theater
11th Avenue right between 22nd and 23rd Sts.
It's the only thing on that block besides UHAUL

$15

free popcorn
magical madness, bloody blood times

do not miss this show!

8 PM

YOU. MUST. SEE. THIS. SHOW.

I do not joke off when I tell you this. Hear my words and obey them.

This is the best show you will see all year, if you like the things that I like. Get tickets in advance, it will completely sell out.

THIS KID NEEDS TO BE AT EVERY COMEDY SHOW I EVER PERFORM IN

From my friend Todd:

ALL ABOUT MOBY!
Who loves Moby? Not these rabblerousers.

Find out all about Moby just by watching this video by Eliza Faria-Santos and Greg Barris...those two!

Hello New York!

I've just wrapped up a whirlwind two-month tour to the UK and lived to talk about it. Tour diary, Delfino's Diatribe and photo journal to come very soon! But first -- I gotta get this listing out. Please post this to the place that you post things, attend, tell your friends and stuff. This show will feature oldies, goodies, and some new songs on the amazing pink flying V ukelele I picked up in Scotland. I didn't get bed bugs, but I did get this new audience pleasing instrument with which for to rock with (See photo above of me hanging out with my new uke at Gatwick Airport in England) and returned to the US slimmer, smarter and singler.

And while you're at the show, don't forget to pick up a new fancy pair of "Jessica Delfino Is Magic" panties, which sold like delicious finger cakes over in the UK.

Here's a description of the show Sept. 26th, I do hope to see you there:

Welcome Home Jessica Delfino!

Potty-mouthed quirk rocker Jessica Delfino is back in NYC after a two-month UK tour of festivals and cities around Ireland, Scotland and England, including her solo show, "Songs About Vaginas" debut and performances with Paul Provenza and Amanda Palmer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and a radio appearance on uber-famous London's "Russell Brand Show" on BBC. Best known for being "banned by Youtube" and "denounced by the Catholic League" for her dirty ditties and jokes, tonight she is joined by Cock Lorge, The Pizzas and some of her more raucous pallies at Club Europa for a night of reuniting.

Wednesday, Sept. 26th, 2007
Club Europa
98 Meserole Ave (@Manhattan Ave)
Greenpoint, Brooklyn 11222
Phone: 718-383-2322
7 PM
$8
www.europaclub.com
www.myspace.com/jessydelfino

LONDON IS LIKE A SHITTIER NEW YORK

No offense, Londoners -- don't get pissed that I don't like your overpriced, overly concreted city. The people here are actually quite nice. It's more the city itself that bugs me, with it's vast borders, transport trifecta and streets that actually chill my spine more than the grimiest New York City hood ever has.

Don't get me wrong, I hate NYC, too. But after being here for a week, it's actually made me appreciate NYC, and that's not a good thing.

My shows here, however, have been terrific. I performed at Offline at JAMM (thanks to my friend Harry Leckstein with Freeport Records who set that up for me), which was more fun that sticking my finger into a light socket. I met tons of great people and saw some great acts, such as Mike Friedman - a deviant poet who just got married at Stonehenge a few days ago, (congratulations, Mike) the lovely and talented Final Girl and super cool band Gilbert. Brixton was cool, too -- I ate at an Erutrean Restaurant there which was the best meal I've had in weeks. There was a live jazz band jammin' out hard in the middle of the restaurant and I just slugged back Beck's and some kind of African veggie mush and took it all in with a cheerful grin.

I did a little in-store set at Scrappy from Milk Kan's invitation in front of about 12 people and even that was a lot of fun.

Last night I performed at Cross Kings on York Way in David Goo's show, which was just one of the most fun evenings I've had since I left NYC. The place is littered with overstuffed couches and board games and reminds me of my grandmother's house. Again, all the acts were superb -- especially Fiona Beven, Left With Pictures and especially especially David Goo. He is my new favorite performer, and one of my favorite finds on this trip.

I think that the quality of performers in London exceeds performers in NYC. The reason why, I think, is because performers in London don't seem to be bombarded with the shite we are in America. There are so many lame billboards and posters for loser shitheads who we are supposed to worship and support and I don't really see that here in London. As a matter of fact, I'm looking out over a large span of London at this moment and I do not see one billboard. That's something thing I love about Vermont, and the main reason why I will probably move there someday.

The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Player's run at Soho Theater has been going really well. The audiences here are just really awesome. The people here are intelligent, in general, and seem to recognize and appreciate good music and entertainment when they see it. Even little Rachel's show on Saturday morning was a total blast. There are two more shows left of hers -- on Sept. 8th and 15th -- I'll be playing a song in both shows, if you can believe it! I sing a very nice song that has nothing to do with vaginas or other parts.

Tonight I'm going to perform at 12 Bar on Denmark Street in Soho at 8 PM along with Jason Trachtenburg and some others, and if the shows I've already seen are any indication of what to expect, I can't wait.

More later...

I'm In London!

Wow, the Edinburgh Festival was a sordid, bittersweet adventure that I don't know if I'll want to take again next year, but the future's so bright, I'm wearing atom bomb goggles. So, let's see what happens.

I'm in London now and here are the shows I have scheduled. I'm in good hands, staying at a friend's place in North London with all the bells and whistles one could hope for. I rode here with Phil Kay. His car broke down momentarily on the side of the road. We stopped to take a nap right in front of Killerby's Farm, and when we woke, the car wouldn't start. Don't get any ideas or make any jokes about us doing it in the back seat, the Saab was so full of dings and dongs, I barely had room to take a proper breath. But what a fun ride! We finally got the car to start once the clever tow truck driver showed up with the knowledge needed to make it happen.

If you are a friend / fan / rabblerouser and would like to entertain the idea of entertaining me during my stay here, please email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com or myspace.com/jessydelfino. If you have a POOL or access to one, let's be friends and share some aqua related water adventures.

Here are my scheduled shows:

Saturday, Sept. 1st
Rachel Trachtenburg Morning Show
Soho Theater
21 Dean Street
11 AM
10 pounds (my computer doesn't have that fancy "L" button)

Saturday, Sept. 1st
as part of a Freeport Records Event
@ Soho Review Bar

Sunday, Sept. 2nd:
Folkadot
126 York Way
18 O'Clock (6 PM)
Free

Tuesday, Sept. 4th:
Good Ship
298 Kilburn High Rd.
8 PM - 11 PM
with Ben Tucker and other performers

Sunday, Sept. 9th
with Holly Walsh
More info to come on that one!!

Rachel's show again on the 8th and 15th
11 AM

Drop by and pick up a pair of my hand-detailed knickers sporting your favorite Jessica Delfino song quotes, 4 pounds each!

EDINBURGH UPDATE

So, I'm sitting in the computer room / VIP lounge here at The Green Room. This hang out spot reminds me of a college cafeteria in some ways, except the main course is whiskey and cobra beers. Mixed together. Actually, that reminds me of college, too.

My shows have been going pretty strangely. One night there are fourty people in the audience who wear their hatred for me like lapels on their coat pockets. Other nights there are eight of the most amazing, entertained people I've ever had the pleasure of titillating.

This festival has almost been a complete disaster. If my attitude were a little worse, I might have started taking prescription medication by now. But actually, I have been medicating myself...in a way...

I've gotten four reviews -- five if you count the shout out one journalist gave me for being their "favorite part" of Rachel Trachtenburg's morning show, which, by the way, has gotten better press than most people's shows.

Here they are:

Songs About Vaginas
Jessica Delfino

Three Weeks

Listening to Jessica Delfino in action is just like going down a deep, dark, disgusting hole with a smile. But only a smile, because this is amusing and winsome rather than laugh out loud funny - although she does have her moments. But enough cheap innuendo, because Miss Delfino is way past euphemisms. It's hard to be offended by someone who sings with her bizarre brand of manic innocence. And if you are offended...well what exactly were you expecting? I get the feeling that ladies may appreciate her loopy, but strangely knowing observations more - since many men will most likely settle for the cheap titillation value. It's disgusting, it's dirty and deep down, it's what you really, really want.

Rating: 3 out of 5

The Scotsman

I didn't just want a drink when I left this irritating little show, I wanted a radical hysterectomy. "If My Vagina Could Talk It Would Call Your Dick An Asshole," trills the most compelling advert for Sharia Law I have ever seen. WHen you see the horrors it can lead to, you realise oestrogen should be a Class A drug. (UK spellings are left in tact for the UK curious)

Rating: 1 out of 5

NOTE: This review was written by Kate Copstick, a notoriously evil woman-hating failed (ex) stand-up comedian uptight lesbian journalist. For the record, most lesbians do not like my act. They are made too uncomfortable by the fearlessness, openness and honesty which lies at the heart of what I do. Gay men, however, love it, because they love their vaginas. After she saw my show, she went to the bar where she proceeded to trash my show to anyone who would listen. The next morning, she went onto her radio show on the BBC and trashed it on the air for another full ten minutes. My show was packed the next night. Thanks, Kate! When will the powers that be learn that negative energy only helps my career?

List

Dirty but clever, shocking but sweet, sassy New Yorker Delfino dances a very funny line between girly and filthy with Songs About Vaginas. We are treated to sunny songs including "My Pussy Is Magic" but rather than smut for the sake of it, she uses her front bottom songbook to deal with emotionally charged break ups, inhibitions and unemployment. Her deadpan style lets her get away with murder.

Rating: 3 out of 5

Hairline

The chosen venue, a small room within the Green Room, is certainly suited to the performance. Small, cave-like, hot and steamy it feels so intimate, like we are entering Jessica's own womb.

Jessica is a confident and beautiful woman who appears to have taken a keen interest in her own sexuality and is happy to share her thoughts on the matter.

As she begins her first live song singing the words, "If My Vagina Could Talk...", we get the impression the vagina, in her eyes, is its own separate entity and deserves all the attention that she gives it. This notion seems supported by the dialogue between herself and the larger than life vagina that accompanies her for the show.

As a performer, she is skilled in her art. Her voice is a pleasure to hear that bares more than a passing resemblance to a young Joni Mitchell, sweet and powerful, and it complements her clever, humorous and satirical songs beautifully. The audience giggles uncontrollably throughout and loudest at a song about leaving her partner due to their inability to give good oral sex.

Jessica Delfino is an artist and an entertainer. She senses her audience's mood and works with it. It would be interesting to see her play to a larger audience as the impression is that there is a lot more to this woman than a small hot room and a small sedated audience.

Rating: 4 out of 5

So, those are my reviews thus far. I've heard the last week gets even wilder, review wise and other wise.

Reggie Watts' late night shows have been packed and awesome for the whole festival, consistently good times. Paul Provenza quit his run of shows that he was doing here. Rick Shapiro got completely naked on one of Paul's shows, that was lots of fun.

In other gossip and festival news, Christopher officially broke up with me so now I am a single woman. He broke up with me on the second day of the festival. I've really been trying to break up with him for over two years now, so he really just finally gave me my way.

If you've been wanting to send me love letters, sweet nothings and fan mail but have been waiting, now is the time. My ego and heart are in the gutter (where my mind has been hanging out alone for awhile now) and i could use a little cheering up.

I'll be in London Sept. 1 - 17th doing shows there, so check my blog for more details...

The Trip From Hell

Edinburgh, though beautiful and mild, has been almost a complete disaster. It started sucking in NYC when I was rushing for the train and one heart from my favorite pair of pink heart earrings slipped off my ear, fell to the ground and cracked in half. I took that broken heart to be a bad omen. How could I not? The nasty mojo carried on with me to the plane and straight into Dublin. The festival there was fun but of course I was treated like a leper by certain uptight dick wads with my inappropriate brightly colored clothing and my songs about vaginas.

I had some really good sets at the International Bar, even though my one big show at the Bud Light Festival, thanks in part to technical difficulties, was an atrocity.
And I sold lots of "My Pussy Is Magic" panties, which was encouraging.

My friend, who I was supposed to drive to Edinburgh with, changed his plans and it turned out I'd have to fly from Dublin instead. Anyone who knows me knows that flying is my least favorite thing to do. Ever.

Luckily, I got to fly with England-based performer Dr. CocacolaMcDonalds, who I like very much. He reminded me of America, which at this point, I was almost beginning to miss. No one or thing can abuse me and get away with it the way that NYC does.

That's just the beginning of this shit storm. But writing this is depressing me. So more later, including my first review and what it said...can you guess?

HANGIN' OUT IN DUBLIN

I'm in Dublin and the weather here is more bi-polar than my most disturbed family member. It's sunny for five minutes and then cold and raining. And like that, on and on.

I did my first show last night at International Bar -- what a cool place. The show is run by Aidan Bishop, who is American but has been in Ireland for awhile now and seems to be doing pretty well here with his charming New York accent and his adorable face, not to mention some good jokes. It's reminiscent of NYC's Rififi, but the place has probably been there for 300 years.

The venue was packed solid. If there were any more people in the place, they would have had to sit on the stage -- oh, wait, they did. Each side of the stage was lined with 5 people, which was...a resourceful use of space. The Irish are so brave!

There wasn't even enough room for performers to watch the show. They had peep holes so we could see the show through the wall. So many faces had been smooshed up against that wall, there were imprints of faces worn into the old paint.

I love Irish people! I did some of my brashest material and the Irish took it like troopers. After the show, I sold a bunch of CDs and even sold some of my fancy new "My Pussy Is Magic" panties, I mean, "knickers" to the ladies. Some men even tried to buy some, but I didn't bring any man panties with me to the show.

Tonight I will play at 7 PM at the Iveagh Gardens / Bud Light Festival show and then I'll go back to the International Bar at 9.

OK, see you later. I'm going to go get emotionally fucked with by the weather for awhile.

UK'S RUSSELL BRAND SHOW



I am going to London with The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players for the first two weeks of September after my debuting my show, "Songs About Vaginas" at the Edinburgh Festival this August, so I thought I'd contact some people in London and set some other shows to sing songs about vaginas and other juicy topics at, besides the shows I'm doing at Soho Theater with the Trachtenburgs. I wrote Russell Brand a letter asking him to consider putting me on his BBC radio show. I have to do these things myself, because I don't have a manager to do this kind of crap for me, and my record label doesn't really do this stuff, either. I was pretty glad to get a very quick response, asking me to contact the show.

I tried to call London but since I can't make long distance calls from my home line (a safe guard set up since I often leave town for chunks of time and have other people staying here) and since I can't make international calls on my Sprint PCS phone (though I do pay for that feature through Sprint PCS -- they truly suck a cold hot dog) I was having a little trouble getting in touch with them. I bought a calling card and tried that, too, but the number I was trying to call kept saying it was an incorrect number. I was dialing the wrong country code, thick American that I am.

In the meantime, a friend emailed me and told me that Russell Brand had read the letter I wrote to him over the air on his show and asked his listeners to tell him whether or not I should be on the show. Well.

Apparently, I am supposed to recommend that people contact Russell's show and tell them to either put me on or not. I found the whole thing to be a little silly and wasn't even going to get involved. But then I learned that some London bitches have spear-headed a campaign to keep me OFF the show. They found it offensive that I call my music "Dirty Folk Rock". Hmmm. That lit a spark under my hairy vagina and now I'm really steamed. I'm gonna those crooked toothed bitches that they're messing with the wrong princess of pervy ditties.

So who's with me?

Friends, strangers, weirdos, political people, CIA agents, dog walkers, other musicians, haters, beraters, elaters, waiters, skaters, placaters, darth vaders (people who dress up like him at festivals...?), and really anyone else who is something that rhymes with "aters" or literally any single other person who gives even half a crap or no crap at all...if you think it'd be fun, funny, stupid, or just otherwise feel like getting involved, LET'S DO THIS! Let's show this "Russell Brand", if that's his "real name", how we support our perverse musicians in NYC! And let's show those London hags that it's called "Dirty Folk Rock" for a reason!

Or something.

Here's the link you can go to to hear my letter segment being read on his show:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=U8V887YW

otherwise you can use the "listen again" feature, I am told. I think it's somewhere over here...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/brand/

And if you wanna get in on this retarded action, here is his email address, phone number and text. Do this today, as the show is tonight. Maybe you'll be live on the show, if you give a turd about that kind of thing.

CONTACT RUSSELL BRAND'S SHOW:

russell.brand@bbc.co.uk
Call: 0500 288 291
Text: 88291
www.myspace.com/RussellBrand

And...um...thanks!

For more information about Russell Brand, who actually has been up to some interesting things, as always, I suggest "googling" him!

GOOGLE RUSSELL BRAND

NEW POST ON BETTER BOYFRIEND BLOG!!!

My sick, twisted, mentally deranged boyfriend is at it again! I've updated my better boyfriend blog with his latest email to a girl who he keeps writing to and calling and promising that when he and I break up, he is going to have sex with her...against her will or not is left to be determined!

Good luck, Christopher / aka "the most honest man on earth!"


www.betterboyfriend.blogspot.com

NEW!Jessica Delfino Merch made by me! "My Pussy Is Magic" Ladies & Men's Undies! $10 each, or 3 for $25.

Briefs and boxers, (male and female) available in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes.

Other slogans available as well, such as "You don't lick my pussy right" and "Once a month for a week, I bleed from my vagina", and I even have a few pairs with photos of my face on them. Be the first person on your block to wear my visage on your nether regions.

Email jessdelfino@yahoo.com or paypal $10 & your size and address to jessdelfino@yahoo for yours today.




"PINK MAGIC"


"CAMO-TOE"


"LICK-RITE G-STRING"


"PERIOD PANTIES"

GOOD TIMES TONITE!

The starting sounds of summer are happening at the Gene Frankel
Underground Sat, July 7th @ 10:30PM as Groove MaMa Ink Presents:

MaMa's Monthly Music Fix

Featuring:
Jessica Delfino (Comedic)



Dalton Ridenhour and Band (Jazz)
The Fools (Acoustics)
and
Reggie Watts (Beatbox)
Hosted by: Rosie Rebel



WHEN: SAT, JULY 7TH @ 10:30PM
WHERE: GENE FRANKEL UNDERGROUND
24 BOND ST (BOWERY/LAFAYETTE)
COST: $12 INCLUDES A DRINK
RSVP (Seating Limited):INFO@GROOVEMAMAINK.COM 212-252-5341 OR

***This is a theatre : LATECOMERS CAN NOT BE SEATED***

FLYING WITCHES!!

This is so funny. Interesting, they say "she" a lot. VERY interesting, indeed!

NOTE: It turned out to be a bunch of balloons...I wanted it so badly to actually be flying witches.

RACHEL TRACTENBURG SEEKS A SONG FOR HER SHOW!!

Seeking someone to write a theme song for Rachel Trachtenburg's Morning Show which she will be doing in Edinburgh for the month of August.

Details: It's a kid's "morning" show. Rachel will be doing arts & crafts, cooking, ukelele songs, and more. There will be friends visiting her on-stage, puppets that "turn into real people", and other little surprises in the style of Rachel Trachtenburg.

No need to make a fancy recording, just give your song idea on a tape to Tina and Rachel. Email slideshowplayers@yahoo.com to work out giving them your tape. Rachel will be singing it and recording it herself.

Please get your song ideas in before July 14th!

FRIDAY NITE...

...awwww, shit! Don't you dare not come to see this show. I dare you to don't not.

There will also be a free bar-b-q with free food starting at 8 PM and going until the food runs out. So get there early, hungry ones!

SELF-EXPLORATION 201 - THE NEXT GENERATION

(This blog was originally founded on my late-night self-searching sessions and the internal spelunking adventures that take place in a young woman as she climbs the ladder up through her 20s. If you visit my archives, you'll see what I mean. This is like a revisit back to those days...)

Sometimes I catch myself in mid-madness and I am compelled to explore the "W's" associated with it - the whys, whos, wheres and how muches...is it self-analization or just narcissism? Am I a comedian? A witch? A scientist? Mildly retarded? All of the above? Come along, beside, and with me as I examine this email I recently wrote to a friend:

"I've been really bummed out because I feel like the more I look around and really psychoanalyze the world and the people in it, it seems like every single person I encounter or get close to is simply bat shit loony, or at least they are in relation to and / or when interacting with me, and I don't really understand it at all -- how that is or why. And the why is the part that really fucks me up. I fear that there is something in me that brings out the crazy in people. Like the way the moon affects the tides. I'm like the moon to people's crazy.

And I just can't figure it out, which drives me even crazier. But I think it has something to do with magnetism and / or electricity. Which makes me sound even more insane."

And I'm not even on drugs. Any. At all.

This is what rich people eat:

NEW VIDEO ALERT!

This time, it's for my song, "Lullabye" off my Dirty Folk Rock CD. The video was made by Checkerboard Phil and is somewhat low-tech, but still came out quite nicely.

Check it out!!



You can buy the CD with my song, "Lullaby" on it by sending $8 to paypal.com via jessdelfino@yahoo.com, or:

JESSICA DELFINO'S SONGS ON I-TUNES

And come see my show!

"Born From Jets"
with Captain Hilarious and other hilarious guests

More info from Toxicpop.com:

SATURDAY
COMEDY+MUSIC

WHAT: Born From Jets
WHEN: Sat 6.30 @ 10PM
WHERE: Mo Pitkins (34 Ave. A btw. E 2nd & 3rd Sts.)
PRICE: $7

http://www.captainhilarious.com

WHY:

This show will touch you quite inappropriately and repeatedly. Captain Hilarious
hosts an evening of quite varied variety, with bands and comics. That’s it. All
vitamins and minerals, no preservatives and no deadly additives. Featuring The
Bitter Poet, Jessica Delfino, Ursa Minor, Pat O’Shea and Working Mothers. All
this for only 7 bux. Much cheaper than that venti soy one-pump sugar-free iced
vanilla latte with whipped cream. (And why would you mix dairy with soy? We
don't even know).

THANK COCK!

Cock Lorge wrapped up his month long residency at Piano's this past Tuesday with a slew of red hot babes and bastards rockin' the mic with their comedy potatoes.

See some pics from the shindig here!

THANK COCK IT'S TUESDAY...

My band Haunted Pussy is playing The Marble Cemetery in NYC as part of the Make Music NY festival tomorrow, FREE, 4-5 PM. Here are more details:


www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y

Homemade iced tea and watermelon pops will be provided for sale by the cup by the adorable Rachel Trachtenburg!

THE THRILLS OF PERFORMING

Last night I opened for Reggie Watts at Rififi and had a strange experience.

I was performing, and these two girls were sitting up high on a bench so they were above the rest of the audience. They were talking very loudly, enthusiastically gesticulating and drunkenly chattering. They talked through the host's opening, then through my set. So I joked around with them a little and tried to get them to shut up, but they kept talking loudly. So, I tried to joke with them some more, but it didn't clam them up. Then, I told them they were being distracting and asked them to stop talking so loudly, but they just kept yapping away, like they were sitting at a coffee shop. They weren't even heckling me, which would have at least been fun. Finally, other audience members yelled for them to shut up, but I bet you can guess what they didn't do.

So, I did something I've never done before - I actually kicked them out of the show! I politely said, I'm sorry ladies, but you're going to have to go. I also gave them the opportunity to come up and sit on the stage instead of leaving. But they opted to leave. It was pretty outrageous. They were kind of shocked and probably pretty embarrassed, and I almost felt badly for them, but they got exactly what they asked for. The audience (and I, internally) cheered at their leaving. I couldn't focus with them being so high up and so loud. After my set, I talked to another comic about it and he said he'd been in the earlier show and he said he thought that the same two girls did the same thing through their entire show, too!

Well, at the end of the show, Antonio (manager of Rififi) came over and handed me a note that one of the girls had written:



I laughed about it, because I know Evan and Jason of Steinberg Talent, and they've always been really nice guys to me. They work with a lot of my friends and we're very familiar with each other. So, when I got home, I dropped them an email explaining what happened.

Evan and Jason promptly wrote back to say that she was an impostor. Here's a segment Evan's very nice email:

"I am sorry to hear that you had such disruptive audience members the
other night and it sounds like you handled it in a very diplomatic and
professional manner. As you can imagine I have little patience for a
disruptive audience member myself."

"I do not know who this person is and I seriously doubt that they have
any afiliation with our company...there is no Laura."

"It is certainly not the way I want our company to be portrayed or represented."

Yep, they're decent guys over at Steinberg Talent. They represent Patrice O'Neal and a bevy of other very talented "main-stream" comics.

If you are a comedian performing at Rififi and see two loud girls sitting up high and talking, kick their asses out! Tell 'em it's from Jessica Delfino.

I will be keeping that note and framing it, perhaps to hang in my ladies room. So I can always remember this very special time in my life.

DELFINO AUCTION HOUSE BEGINS TODAY!

I'm selling some items from my private treasures collection to help fund my trip to Edinburgh this August. Today on the market, we have:

A FINE STOP SIGN

It's a regular size, shape and color stop sign, but there is a black spray paint spot about the size and shape of a baseball cap in the lower left hand part of the sign. It adds to the character! Someday, when you relocate to your summer home in New Hampshire, you'll be able to remember what it was like to live in the nitty gritty city. Below, see my photoshop re-created rendition of what the sign looks like with the tag.

I can't ship it, so if you want to buy it you'll have to pick it up from me in the Lower East Side, NYC. I live in an elevator building for your convenience. the sign is not on the post, and it is not very heavy. I may also be able to drop it off if you're nearby. Great for a set design, show set, play house, kid's room, table top, floor or ceiling piece, headboard, canvas, etc. It's pretty cool, but I need $50 more than I need the sign. So, that's my asking price, by the way. $50, OBO, which in the business, means "Or Best Offer". Duh.

Just so you know, the money is going to a good cause - I'll be posting items from my trove of treasures to help me gather some dinero for my big summer trip to perform in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. (Plane tickets to Edinburgh are going for $1400!) And by treasures, I mean everything from, well, stop signs to fancy hair care products that have never been used. Check back soon to see what else I have up for grabs, or if I've gotten rich yet.

You can pay with paypal.com or cash upon your pick up or delivery. Email jessdelfino@yahoo.com to inquire.

It's really too easy! Move over, Christie's! There's a new antique slinger in town.

Fun fact: I used to work at Christie's. How did I ever land that sweet gig?

LULLABYE...

This is a song that my mother used to sing to me before I would go to sleep at night...it might explain a thing or two about a thing or two.

Video by Checkerboard Phil! Starring Violet!

If you like the song, it's on my CD "Dirty Folk Rock" and also available on I-Tunes....bon apetit!



Come see me live this week -

TUESDAY JUNE 19th with COCK LORGE
@ Piano's
158 Ludlow @ Stanton
www.myspace.com/cocklorge
http://pianosnyc.com/
8 PM / $5

AND

TUESDAY JUNE 19th with REGGIE WATTS
@ Rififi
332 E. 11th St. @ 1st Ave, NYC
www.rififinyc.com
10 PM / $5

AND

WEDNESDAY JUNE 20th @ Bluestockings
appearing in JEFF STARK'S show "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
172 Allen Street, Manhattan
http://www.bluestockings.com
7 PM / $5 suggested donation

AND

THURSDAY, JUNE 21st with "Make Music NY"
@ La Plaza Cultural
632-636 E 9th St, between Ave B and Ave C
2 PM / FREE!
www.makemusicny.org
(the website has the show listed as starting at 3:30, THAT IS WRONG!)

AND AGAIN

THURSDAY JUNE 21st at Get Psyched!
@ Rififi
332 E. 11th St. @ 1st Ave, NYC
www.rififinyc.com
8 PM / $5

...and a secret tip: I'll be performing in costume at The Marble Cemetery at 2nd Ave and 2nd St. from 4-5 PM in the east village on Thursday, June 21st. More info at www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y

GONE TIL SEPTEMBER...

TONITE!!: OUR LAST RADICAL VAUDEVILLE SHOW UNTIL SEPT. 7

Friday. June 15 @ Midnight

Mo Pitkin's 34 Ave. A Downstairs BTW 2nd & 3rd St.s

BRUTALLY BRILLIANT ENTERTAINMENT DONE DIRT CHEAP $5


Your Host and MC: Henry Faulkner

Featuring the in house comedy stylings of Mo's Hos with The O'Debra
Twins, Jessica Delfino, Rosie Rebel and Steph Sabelli

This week's special guest stars:

Erin and her Cello
Karlita The Belly Dancer
Magic Brian
Ammo
Remy
Vangeline
The Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players

www.radicalvaudeville.com
www.surfreality.com
www.mopitkins.com

A Birthday Surprise

The nice people (who apparently have decent taste in tuneage) at weheartmusic.com wrote a lil' blurb about me, me, me.

READ IT HERE

And it's my birthday today!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

My friends are taking me to the be-yatch. Cancer for my birthday! A bunch of ding dang sweeties is what they are.

In the meantime, here's a couple of nice little pictures to delight your senses, of Rosie Rebel and I presenting an award to NYC comedian Angry Bob at the O'Debbies last Monday. I guess you could say we put our whole selves into the event. (Yuck, yuck)

Photos by that delicious Julia Newman. www.julianewman.com

SHOWS FOR YOU TO SEE THIS WEEKEND...

...featuring me.

Tonight, Thursday, June 7th:

Throw Up! Variety Show
8 PM
Otto's Shrunken Head
538 East 14th Street between ave A and B

Featuring:

Tamar Kummel
Jessica Delfino (dirty folk rock and jokesies)
Jared The Conjuror
April Bruckner (ventriliquism at it's best)
Jambles: The Jam Band for Kids
Valmonte Sprout (performance art sometimes showcasing breasts!)
Jonathan Randall
Tanya O'Debra (funny lady with magical surprises)
Skrit Steak and the English Mufkins (musical mayhemic duo)

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And tomorrow, Friday, June 8th:

It's my birthday! So be nice to me, and buy me an instrument, especially one off my Amazon wish list, which is on my myspace page. If you buy me an instrument from my wishlist (HBO already bought me the autoharp, so I've been told), I will write a song for you with it and possibly use it on my new upcoming album...

For my birthday, I'd also really love home-made cards, artwork, music and non-tangibles, such as back rubs, foot rubs, people who can edit video for me, and other creative non-money changing hands kinds of gifts.

You can see my wishlist here: www.myspace.com/jessydelfino

And here's the wish list directly:



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And the next day, Saturday, June 9th:

A Cavallo Carousel / Firehouse Party
9 PM - 5 AM
Fundraiser for A Cavallo, aka The Carousel (Burning Man Grant Recipient)
at circa 1870's firehouse in Brooklyn
199 Van Brunt St. (bet Seabring and Bowne)
B61 Bus stops right in front of the shop / ACF Jay St. Borough Hall

Mechanically propelled party wagon picks up at Smith / 9th St. F train stop
and runs from 9 pm - 3 am. Look for the sign of the horse

Featuring:

Six live bands! Acrobats, geeks and other acts of varying talent! Milling machines and industrial ventilation! And a 99 facet steel carousel horse you can swing on. Plus, the one trick pony show starring you and your thing! Back flip? Open a beer bottle with your eye socket? Uncanny Paul Lynde impression? Mandatory applause for each act and prizes of a certain value.

BANDS:

Whiskey & Whores - Brown Liquor Mayhem
Fabulous Entourage - Is it glam, Motown or disco? Yes!
Moisturizer - Bass, Trombone and Drums - like Morphine minus vocals plus balls
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players - the first family of the east village
Anna Copacabanna - Go-go xylophone anthems from Australia via Staten Island!
AND (my band) Haunted Pussy - Just what it sounds like! www.hauntedpussy.com

All that for $15 smackers.

More info at: acavallo.org

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And FINALLY, Sunday, June 10th

The Mad Hatters will present their first
FUNDRAISING EXTRAVAGANZA
5:00-11:00+
Gallery Bar
120 Orchard St. (near Delancey)
5 pm - 11 pm
(***I'm going on around 7 PM I've been told***)

The Lower East Side, NYC

$20.00 at the door or $15 by PayPal to madhattersreview@yahoo.com through Saturday

The event will benefit the Mad Hatters' Review and its local programs promoting innovative art and literature. Mad Hatters' Review is a unique online multimedia magazine featuring edgy, experimental, gutsy, thematically broad, psychologically and philosophically sophisticated writings, music, art, collaborative ventures, poetry, fiction, non-fiction, dramatic pieces and experimental whatnots.

The extravaganza will include READINGS BY OFFBEAT PROSE WRITERS & POETS; A SHOWING OF EXPERIMENTAL ANIMATIONS (some collaborative); AVANT-GARDEY IMPROVISATIONAL MUSIC; DANCING TO LIVE MUSIC (SWING, WORLD, 60'S ROCK, REGGAE, CALYPSO, ETC.; PERFORMANCES BY TWO FABULOUS COMEDIANS [one of which is me, Jessica Delfino and I believe the other one is Dessere Birch][If I spelled your name wrong, Dessere, I'm sorry!]; A LATE SHOW OPEN MIC; and A SILENT AUCTION OF BOOKS, JOURNALS, AND ARTWORKS DONATED BY MAD HATTER CONTRIBUTORS & FANS. AND AND AND: $4 MAD HATTER FACOCTAILS & FREE EDIBLE TIDBITS.

Please see http://www.madhattersreview.com/events.shtml#june10 for more details!

Questions?
Contact Carol Novack (Publisher/Editor) and
Amy Bucciferro (PR Director) at madhattersreview@gmail.com
Subject Line: Fundraiser

*********************************

More great shows to come next week,
such as Chris "Shockwave" Sullivan's new 8-Track show,
so I'll update this very soon...